


Vague Mistakes

by dreyars



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 16:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2156808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreyars/pseuds/dreyars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you asked Ukai how many mistakes he had made in his life, he could pull out an entire novel’s worth of examples, and agreeing to coach the Karasuno volleyball team could easily prove to be the biggest fumble of his entire life.  Well, that was if there wasn't a second possible ending to his situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> M-rating is for later chapters. Sorry, I hope I didn't get anybody's hopes up.

If you asked Ukai how many mistakes he had made in his life, he could pull out an entire novel’s worth of examples.  Not studying hard enough in high school, which resulted in the second mistake of not trying to go to college instead of working in the family store.  Accepting a blind date offer from his mother’s friend which set him up on a five week kick with some bitch who liked very X-rated bedroom activities.  Spending an entire paycheck on booze and cigarettes once when he was 22, instead of the more essential things like food.

Agreeing to coach the Karasuno Volleyball Team was still a toss-up, but with the rate he’s going, this particular choice was quickly snowballing into the biggest misstep he has ever had the pleasure of taking.

Of course, it will only be pleasurable if it doesn’t result in him sitting in a prison cell for ten plus years.

It was a Saturday night when he first discovered the consequences of his actions.  He had long since discovered that it was a fucking project dealing with twelve teenage boys all the time, because there was no way he was that shitty when he was in high school.  But it had never seemed like an actual mistake until one of them walked into the store fifteen minutes before closing time.  He had planned to wrap things up early because there had been no one there for the past thirty minutes, and maybe see if anyone was up to getting a drink before it got too late.

He didn’t notice Sugawara standing there until the boy let out a soft, attention seeking cough.  Ukai lifted his head from his magazine, intending to scold the kid into next week.  His gaze locked with Sugawara’s uncharacteristically timid stare, and he realized that he had never seen him outside of his school or volleyball uniform.  He was wearing a light blue polo shirt and khaki shorts that stopped right above his knees along with matching blue sneakers.  He also wore a watch around his left wrist that accentuated how slender his arms were.  Ukai shook his head, clearing some of the smoke that was clearly clouding his brain.  Sugawara looked nice.  And he didn’t know why he cared.

“We’re closing soon.”

Sugawara nods, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth as he fiddles with the hem of his shirt.  “I know.  That’s why I came.  I have something I need to talk to you about, and I didn’t want to bother you while you were working.”

Ukai clenched his jaw, and considered kicking the kid out and carrying on with his planned evening.  He quickly decided against it due to the fact that Sugawara was probably the least troublesome of all his problems, and because he had come all this way to talk with him on a Saturday night.  It had to be something important, or he doubted Sugawara would even bother seeking him out to speak in private.  “Okay.  We’re almost closed for the night so I’ll talk to you after I lock up.  Sit over there so I can keep an eye on you.”

Sugawara nods again, thanking Ukai for his time as he took a seat on a short rickety step stool beside the counter.  He looked a little ridiculous, knees bending upwards as his feet sat on the bottom rung.  But he looked indescribably pleased with himself, with a small hidden smile reaching his eyes as Ukai handed him a box of knick knacks and price tags, explaining that if he was going to waste his time, he might as well earn his keep. Ukai watched him out of the corner of his eye as he straightened some of the products on the front counter, pretending he wasn’t observing the way the boy’s hands deftly attended to the task at hand.  Ukai noticed that he handled everything like it was a fragile glass figurine; delicately, kindly, as if the soft tips of his fingers could shatter everything he touched.  It was more surprising than it should have been, seeing as his movements encapsulated exactly what Ukai knew of Sugawara’s personality.

Ukai turned his gaze away, instead staring down the clock that hung over the entrance to the store.  He knew he should probably do something, dust off the counter, start sweeping the floors, anything that would realistically get him out of work sooner that night, but instead he was scratching at the back of his neck, itching to know what it is that brought Sugawara all the way to the shop tonight.  He realized he could probably go ahead and ask, get it out of the way and be done with it, but it seemed important enough to the kid that he decided to wait until he was sure they would not be interrupted.

He locks the front door to the shop and turns off the outside lights three minutes before the scheduled closing time.  He nodded at Sugawara, who was still sitting on the little step stool, indicating that he should follow him.  The boy stands, hands rubbing at the junctures of his hips and thighs, soothing the tension out of his legs from sitting squished on the step stool for so long.  He follows closely behind Ukai, the toe of his shoe once clipping the back of Ukai’s heel as they walk into the back room of the store.  Sugawara quietly mutters an apology as Ukai pulls the string on the overhead light, throwing the back room in a soft yellow glow.

The room they were standing in was half storage, half break room.  Two walls were lined with shelves of overstock unperishable items, and the rest of the small area was consumed by a musty old couch that sent up puffs of dust when you sat on it.  A small window set high on the wall let in a small square of moonlight that was cast over Sugawara’s face as he stood in the center of the room, waiting for permission to speak.  He was fiddling with the edge of his shirt again, and his bottom lip was pulled between his teeth.

Ukai breaks their silence with a long, loud sigh.  “So…what’s up? I’m assuming it’s pretty important if you came all the way here on a Saturday night?  How close do you live to here anyway?”

Sugawara laughs, his voice breathy and nervous as he starts to speak.  “Not very… It was a pretty far walk…” Sugawara looks away, dropping his hands from the hem of his shirt to ball into fists at his sides.  “I wasn’t sure if this was appropriate to talk to you about, seeing as you’re my coach and all, but remembering our conversation during our first training camp, I thought it might be better to talk to you than anyone else.”

Ukai remembered that conversation.  It was when Sugawara told him it was okay to let Kageyama be the starting setter instead of him.  He frowned at the memory, realizing what this talk must be about.  “Feeling discouraged or something?”

“Something like that.” Sugawara crosses his hands behind his back and rolls his shoulders.  “I just wish there was something more that I could do.  I feel kind of useless some of the time… I recognize that Kageyama is the best thing for the team right now, but I guess I can’t help but feel negatively about the whole situation.”  Sugawara turned his head towards the ground, features troubled and bottom lip sticking out a bit in a pout.

“You just got to keep going, Sugawara.” Ukai places a hand on his shoulder, and he raises his head. His bottom lip still protrudes a little bit, and it glistens with spit from when it was between the boy’s teeth.  Ukai feels a knot form in the back of his throat as he stares at his student, and swallows thickly before continuing.  “I can’t make any promises about playing you more.  I’ve got to keep the team’s best interest in mind.”

Suga gives a wry little smile and runs his tongue over his lips.  “I wasn’t asking you to play me more.  I was just hoping you could give me some sort of direction as to what I should do.  I could help Kiyoko or help you with drills or something…”

“Sugawara…” Ukai’s tone was a warning for the boy to not say too much, or else Ukai would feel like he was requesting his pity.  He just looked sort of broken, upset, and a lot smaller than he normally did.  Ukai had a sudden urge to pull him in and embrace him, but held off, tensing up his muscles and letting his hand fall away from his student’s shoulder.

“I know, I’m sorry.  I just feel sort of lost sometimes.”  Sugawara bit down on his lip again, forcing a half smile onto his face.  “Kind of like I’m trying to swim through honey or something like that.  I keep fighting but feel like I’m not really getting anywhere. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought this to you.”

“No, no. It’s okay.” Ukai slapped his hands onto the boy’s shoulders again and shook him a little when Sugawara jumped.  “If you can’t talk to your coach about your volleyball problems, who can you talk to?  Like I said, you just have to keep going.  You’ll never get any better if you stop working.  You’ll fulfill your purpose eventually. Don’t worry.”

Sugawara smiles.  This time, it’s genuine, spreading across his face and reaching up into his eyes.  His face glows radiantly, a combination of his expression and the moonlight falling from the window above their heads.  Ukai notices that Sugawara’s bottom lip is swollen and pink, probably from him worrying over it for however long it had been before he came and talked to him. “Thank you for talking to me.”

“Yeah.” Has he always been this cute? Maybe these thoughts were a combination of exhaustion from not really getting a day off in weeks and surprise from Sugawara’s sudden request for assistance. But all he knew was that he really wanted to touch Suga’s lips.  They looked soft and warm and welcoming. So he did.

“Coach?”  Ukai braced the side of Sugawara’s face with one of his hands, curling his fingers around the boy’s jaw and tilting his head up.  He ran a thumb across Sugawara’s parted lips, pulling down on the bottom one until in popped back up into its place.  He could feel Sugawara’s warm breath puffing against the pad of his thumb and he unconsciously leaned down, wanting to meet the younger boy’s lips.  He stopped when he felt nails digging into the skin of his arm.

Sugawara’s gentle brown eyes were blown wide in surprise, but he didn’t pull away.  He just stood there, nails digging into Ukai’s forearm, but showed no form of protest other than that.  The next time he ran his thumb across the line of Sugawara’s mouth, the boy’s lips closed, pressing out to kiss the finger tracing over them.  Ukai let his hand fall from the side of Suga’s face, gripping the top of his shoulder tightly as he pulled Suga to him.

The pressure on his arm was released as Sugawara let his eyes flutter shut, his fingers instead burying themselves in the fabric of his orange hoody.  He began questioning his actions about the time when Suga’s face was close enough to his own that he could count the long eyelashes brushing against the boy’s cheeks if he wanted to.

He was barely able to stutter out a “wait!” before Sugawara’s lips collided with his own.  He gave up trying to reason with himself about the ethics of kissing your student just as Sugawara’s lips opened up beneath his.  The younger boy’s movements were all timid and cautious, from inexperience or nervousness, Ukai couldn’t be sure, but he was quick to coax him into a state of relaxation as he moved the hand on the boy’s shoulder to curl into the hair at the back of his neck.  Sugawara took another step forward until his hips bumped into Ukai’s, pressing forward until he had to drop his hands from his coach’s chest, letting them weave their way around Ukai’s waist instead.  Ukai’s other hand found its home on Sugawara’s elbow, holding him in place as the boy began letting out breathy little sighs into his mouth.

He tasted like mint, more like gum than toothpaste, and there was a sweet under taste that didn’t surprise Ukai at all.  Sugawara was the definition of sweet.  So sweet that it was kind of odd that he didn’t melt when it rained.  What did surprise him was the way Sugawara was opening up under his touch, under his mouth.  It couldn’t be explained or reasoned out in a logical way.  Not that Ukai was very good at logic to begin with.  He didn’t know why this was happening, but he did know that he never wanted it to stop.

His lips were soft, as he expected, but they were also chapped, probably from the boy’s incessant worrying, chewing and licking.  Ukai pulled the bottom one between his teeth and sucked on it lightly, causing the younger boy to gasp, opening his mouth wider and giving Ukai the opportunity to slip his tongue in.

It was warm.  It was wet.  And it was way too much, Ukai realized as Sugawara started pushing his hips forward, slowly beginning to grind his body into Ukai’s front.  He pulled away, untangling himself from Sugawara’s grasp.  When the boy tried to follow him, clinging on to his sleeve and stepping along with him as he backed himself into a corner, Ukai finally spoke up.

“No. That’s enough. It’s time for you to go.”  He grabbed Sugawara by the elbow again, pulling him out of the back room and to the front of the store.

“Wait, Coach! What just happened? What do I-”

“Nothing. Nothing happened. You don’t have to do anything.”  Ukai turns the lock on the door and begins to slide it open.

“Okay, but…” Sugawara’s cheeks are flushed, and he looks more confused than he did when he first came into the shop that night.

“But nothing. This…” Ukai waves a hand between them, gesturing from himself to Sugawara. “Never happened. Understand?”

“Okay…But, coach…”

“Stop.  You have to promise you won’t say anything, or you probably won’t have a coach anymore.”

“Okay.”

“Promise!”

“I promise, I won’t say anything that could get you in trouble.” Sugawara nods, more to himself than confirming what Ukai said.  “Goodnight.”

“Yeah, yeah, goodnight.”  Ukai presses a hand to the boy’s back, ushering him out of the front door before locking it behind him.  He grabs the broom from behind the counter and sets to work, trying to distract himself from his previous actions.  When this failed, he stopped, curling his hands around the broom handle tight enough for his knuckles to go white.   He remembered how soft and warm Suga felt underneath his hands as he let the broom handle smack him in the face, hoping that the strike would knock him out of his sinful train of thoughts.

“Fuck.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you guys this was meant to be a self-indulgent fic and here is why the M rating is present.

Ukai realized two things when he returned to practice that Monday.

The first was that Sugawara was a really good actor.  Ukai had already braced himself for the repercussions of his actions, expecting Sugawara to be very cautious around him or do something that would make Takeda or the other boys suspect something.  But he didn’t.  Not even once.  He just carried on like normal, as if nothing happened.  He was thankful for this, but it made it that much harder to ignore Sugawara himself.  Maybe, if he seemed the least bit nervous, or maybe even tried to distance himself, it would be easier for Ukai to do the same.

The second was that he fucked up.  He royally fucked up to the point that it was nearly impossible to concentrate on the things that were supposed to be important during practice.  Coupled with Sugawara’s nonchalance towards their situation were Ukai’s flashbacks of what had gone down.  It had been nice kissing Sugawara, but really, what was the fucking point of it all if there was no way in hell he could go farther than that?  He was his coach, for god’s sake!  He shouldn’t have even touched his face, much less kissed him.

Or had that subsequent raunchy dream about him.

Ukai shook his head as he blew the whistle hanging around his neck to signal that it was time to switch drills.  Since everyone was here today, they could play an amended 6 on 6 match, shuffling around the order a bit to accommodate the 6 that got the libero. Ukai stood to the side to watch after dividing the team into two groups, unintentionally picking the side of the court that housed Sugawara’s team.  He wanted to move, to stand more towards the middle of the court, but was worried any large movement would draw too much attention to himself.  He was trapped as soon as Takeda came to stand by his side.

“They’re looking good today! Don’t you think so, Ukai-kun?”

Ukai simply nodded at Takeda’s question, not really processing the true meaning of it.  Because Sugawara did look good. Did he always look that good?  His pale skin was flushed in just the right way that showed all over his visible body.  His eyes were focused and reflected his drive as he tried to keep up with the challenges set before him.  He smiled widely, sweetly, every time he did something right, whether it be assisting a block or setting up the perfect toss for his spiker.  His smile grew wider as the practice game progressed, until Ukai was slightly worried the kid would strain a muscle in his face from grinning so hard. 

As the game went on, Ukai could feel himself getting gradually more flustered.  The stupid kid was pulling his lip between his teeth again, releasing it when it was red and swollen.  It made Ukai consider all the other ways he could elicit that reaction from him.  He started wishing that volleyball players wore longer, looser shorts as well, impractical as that may be.  The black fabric was clinging to the boy’s ass in a way that it probably shouldn’t, and the length of his shorts were making his legs look much longer than they actually were.  How had he not noticed that before and why was it driving him crazy all of a sudden?  And then Sugawara was running his hands through his sweaty hair, letting the ends of it stick to the back of his neck as he let out a hearty laugh at something Tanaka had just shouted.

“Ukai-kun, are you alright?” He looked down at Takeda when he felt a tug on the sleeve of his jacket.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You just made a very…uncomfortable…sounding noise.  I was concerned that you weren’t feeling well.”  Takeda pushed his glasses back up his nose and gave him a small, concerned smile.  What noise had he made to make the sensei worry?

Ukai lifted a hand and scratched at the back of his head. “Yeah, no, I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure? Because you look a little pale as well.”  Takeda lifted a hand as if he was about to check Ukai’s temperature before letting it drop.  “Could you be running a fever, or is your stomach upset?”

“I said I’m fine!”  Ukai said a little bit too loudly. Takeda shirked away a little, but did not remove himself from Ukai’s presence.  He let out a long sigh and let his shoulders sag.  Maybe he could make up a lie to remove himself from practice for a few days.  At least until he gets his old man hormones under control.  “Just been running myself ragged lately, between here and the shop and all the other countless things I have to do.”

“Oh. Well maybe you should go home early today?”

“Nah, if I did, I’d probably just end up in an apron at the shop again.”

“Well…if you say so.  Just let me know if you feel like you need a day off. I’m sure I’ll be able to arrange it for you!”

Ukai nodded. Turning his gaze back to the practice game.  They were almost done anyways, and afterwards they were only going to be working on positions practice.  Ukai figured he could distract himself by assisting the spikers or middle blockers, whichever group the setters decided not to target today. By effectively avoiding Sugawara, he managed to escape the rest of the practice unscathed.  No embarrassing moments. No actions or events that would cause the others to be suspicious of what he had done.

Ukai barely made it out alive due to his refined skill of concealing his inappropriate thoughts.  He could function well with a porno playing through his head while he was in public, though while he was at home, he wasn’t so lucky.  After practice had ended, he decided he needed a day off. Or two.  Anything to remove himself from the inappropriate situation he had found himself in.

The first day he told Takeda that he needed to help his mother with something that she deemed an emergency.  He really just stayed at his apartment blowing smoke rings at the ceiling while he wondered if the AC had cut out in the gym again, as hot as it was today.  If it did, Ukai knew Sugawara would constantly be wiping the sweat from his face on the shoulder of his shirt, occasionally grabbing the hem to wipe under his eyes.  He was almost disappointed that he skipped.

The second day, his grandfather wasn’t feeling well. Or so he said.  In actuality, he spent his afternoon cleaning out the old man’s gutters.  He figured he probably should have gone to practice.  Watching Sugawara chug down a bottle of water would probably be much more appealing right now than watching his old man hack up whatever _that_ was.

Thursday and Friday he was ‘sick’ as he claimed that running himself into the ground and spreading himself so thinly had gradually caught up to him.  He told Takeda that he would be feeling better after a few days’ rest, promising to return to practice the next week and punctuating his sentences with nasty, faked coughs.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had successfully faked being sick to remove himself from an obligation.  His mother had long since pulled the plug on those little drama shows, never once believing he was sick even after doctors had confirmed he had an illness. Once she had sent him to school with the flu.  She was still convinced he was faking it even after the school nurse called her to let her know he had passed out in class.

Saturday, he was picking at his nails as he sat behind the front counter of the shop.  He called out a greeting to someone as he heard the bell ring, silently cursing whoever it was for coming in twenty minutes before closing.  He picked his head up from inspecting his fingernails when he heard footsteps come to a stop in front of the counter.  He could feel all the blood draining from his face as he locked eyes with Sugawara, who was just standing there, examining him with his head cocked to the side.

“It’s good to see that you’re finally well enough to be up and around, coach.” Sugawara smiled at him, turning a set of keys around in his hands.  “You still look a little pale though.  Are you sure that it’s okay for you to be working like this?”

Ukai coughed behind his hand, putting out the cigarette he had been smoking in the ashtray sitting below the counter. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, we were all kind of worried about you.  So I volunteered to come and check to make sure you were okay. Oh and here!” Sugawara lifted his shoulder bag up onto the counter, and pulled out a small plastic box.  “My mom makes me these when I’m not feeling well, so I borrowed the recipe from her.  Of course, unless you’re not actually sick.”

The knowing gaze that fell upon him was all Ukai needed for him to understand that this visit was not really about his health.  He bit down on his tongue to keep a curse from falling out.  “Why are you really here, Sugawara?”

“I wanted to apologize, or something…for what I did.  If it’s making you not want to come to practice, I just want to see what I can do to remedy the situation.  We need you to be our coach, and I’m sorry if my actions caused you any difficulty.”

Ukai closed his eyes and let out a deep breath through his nose.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“What? Yes I did. I kissed you and I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Woah, woah, woah there kid.  It doesn’t matter who kissed who, I’m the adult and I should’ve stopped it.  You don’t have any responsibility to fix it, because there’s nothing to be fixed.  I’ve just been sick this week.  It’s not because of you or anything else.”

“Oh, okay.” Sugawara flushed and zipped his bag back up.  He began pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth again and Ukai let out a harsh breath.

“Stop that.  I can tell you’re thinking something you shouldn’t be thinking when you chew on your lip like that.”

Sugawara let his lip fall from between his teeth. “What…no I’m not…”

“You’re _lying._ ” Ukai stood up from the chair he had been sitting on to press forward against the counter.  “You’ve been doing that thing since last weekend.  And I don’t think you really came here to apologize. Now answer honestly.  What are you doing here?”

Sugawara pulled his lip into his mouth again and cast his gaze at the ground.  Ukai nearly let out a distraught groan at the sight.  Before he could let the distressed sound out from between his teeth, Sugawara raised his face, brown eyes burning as he stared Ukai down.

“Well, what is it?”

“I just wanted to ask you a question, but I wasn’t sure how appropriate it is, given the situation.”

“Just spit it out already.”

“Uhm, well you see…” Sugawara took a deep inhale before slapping his hands onto the counter.  “Can I kiss you again?”

Ukai made a choking noise in the back of his throat and took a couple of steps back to relieve the temptation of strangling the younger boy. “Are you some kind of stupid?”

“Ah, I’m sorry! I knew I shouldn’t have said anything! I’ll just…see you on Monday!” Sugawara moves to leave the shop but is stopped by a hand wrapping around his wrist.

“Hold it.”  Sugawara stops pulling away and Ukai lets the boy’s thin wrist fall from his grasp.  “Why?”

Sugawara scrunches up his eyebrows, his entire face pulling into a confused look. “Why what?”

“Why are you doing this?  Are you trying to get something out of me? Because if you are, it ain’t gonna work.”

“No!” Sugawara presses back up to the counter, getting right in Ukai’s face.  “It’s just that…it was kind of nice?”

Ukai raises an eyebrow, locking Sugawara down with an incredulous glare.  “Most kids don’t come asking after their coaches after a ‘kind of nice’ kiss.”

Sugawara swallows, his throat bobbing in time with the nodding of his head.  “It’s more of an I-can’t-stop-thinking-about-it situation.  And it has kind of been obvious, to me at least, that you can’t stop thinking about it either.”

The look Sugawara pins him with after his frustrated groan is one of satisfaction. Ukai is very tempted to smack the look off of his smug little face, but to do so would be to admit defeat, and Sugawara really had his train of thought down.  “It doesn’t matter if we can’t stop thinking about it.  It’s wrong. You’re 9 years younger than me.”

“So?” Sugawara took a step to his left, beginning to make his way around the counter.

“And underage.”

“Barely. I’ll be 18 within the next year.”  He stepped around the short stool where he had sat just one week ago.

“And to top it all off, I’m you’re coach.  I can’t do it.”

“Why not? It’s not like I would try to get you in trouble or anything.  I can keep my lips zipped.” Sugawara was standing right in front of him now.  He had ditched his bag on the floor beside the counter and was slowly creeping his way forward.  Ukai was trapped, the back of his knees pressed against the chair he had been sitting in earlier.

“It’s too risky.  I’m not a fan of being in jail for the next five to twenty years.”

Sugawara pouted, sticking his goddamn lip out again.  “I only asked to kiss you.”

“For now.”

“You’re not saying yes or no.”  He took the final step forward required to play him close enough to bump knees with his coach.   Ukai could feel his breath puffing gently against his face, carrying with it the same minty smell he remembered from the previous weekend.  He swallowed thickly, fighting with all of his willpower to not lean down the few centimeters required to taste the scent instead of smell it.  And the way the kid was looking up at him. God, he wished he had an ounce more of self-control. That way, maybe his hands wouldn’t be shaking as they gripped the counter underneath his hands

“You’re not really giving me too many incentives to put my future at risk.”  He was speaking lowly now, as if he was afraid someone would hear them even though they were the only ones at the store.  Sugawara was tilting his face up now, licking his lips unconsciously every so often, giving Ukai a small view of his little pink tongue.

“I can.”

He could say no right now. Kick Sugawara out of the store, and never let him bring up the topic again.  He could pretend he didn’t feel the boy tugging gently at the hem of his shirt, urging him to lean forward and seal their lips together.  He could ignore the pleading look in his eyes that Ukai didn’t quite understand yet.  He could force himself to stop asking so many questions (why is he doing this? Why does he want to be like this with his coach? It didn’t really make sense for such a cute kid to be going after someone so much older than him) and he could let the subject drop forever, his initial curiosity hopefully fading out into a fizzle of nothingness allowing him to return to his regularly scheduled life.

He could do all of those things. Should do, if he was apt to be politically correct.  He knew if there was some sort of code of ethics for coaches, one of those rules probably stated ‘don’t makeout with your student’!  But correctness and ethics could be damned for all he cared, especially with the way Sugawara was looking up at him.

He gave a small nod, giving permission for whatever it was that Sugawara had planned.  He was almost stunned into silence when the kid all of a sudden jumped away, running to the front of the store and clicking the lock on the door.  Sugawara made a motion towards the light switch and Ukai nodded again, still too confused by the situation to do much more than that.  After a few seconds of fumbling with the panel, the lights outside and in faded out, the only light now coming from the emergency one above the door.

He barely had a chance to register the change in darkness before Sugawara was on him again, pressing him backwards until his ass landed in the chair behind him.  He must have muttered some sort of obscenity because Sugawara apologized as he wove his hands around Ukai’s neck, leaning over him as he connected their mouths in a kiss.  Ukai could feel Sugawara’s lips curling upwards in a smile as he sat down as well, legs hanging off the side of the chair as he let his weight fall onto Ukai’s lap.

He didn’t quite know what to do with his hands, as it still felt taboo to actually _touch_ the younger male now precariously perched on his thighs even as he opened his mouth to invite his tongue inside.  Ukai settled for comfortably placing his hands on the boy’s hips, knowing he could explain away the action by saying he was just trying to keep him steady.  Though that was if he was ever asked.  He doubted he would be, at least not by the person now enthusiastically nipping at his bottom lip as his hands ran down from the back of Ukai’s neck to his stomach and back up again.  Sugawara’s hands came to a rest at his shoulders before he pushed himself back.

His lips were pink again, and a different kind of swollen than what he had caused by chewing on them all week.  Sugawara lifted one hand to brush his hair away from his eyes.  “Is this okay?”

Ukai laughed at the concerned expression gracing Sugawara’s face.  “This is so backwards.  I should be the one asking you that.”

Sugawara smiled sweetly before dipping forward to place a little peck on Ukai’s mouth.  He let the hand that had brushed his hair away fall to Ukai’s lower stomach again, this time coming to a stop just above Ukai’s belt.  His shirt had ridden up a little throughout their activities, and Sugawara let his nails scratch against the soft skin that lay exposed.  He sent a quick glance down to his hand dancing across Ukai’s stomach before looking up at his face.  He quietly repeated himself, asking for permission.  “Is this okay?”

It was really hard to rationalize the pros and cons of letting your student stick his hand down your pants when he was sitting on top of you, his hand less than two centimeters from the top of your belt as he was looking at you with big, begging eyes.  Ukai’s last rational train of thought flew out the window as the heel of Sugawara’s hand grazed the front of his jeans and whether it had been intentional or not, the action had him furiously nodding his head like he was one of those bobble-head dashboard dolls being driven over an unpaved road.

Ukai’s reaction to his question spread Sugawara’s sweet, gentle little smile into a full-on devious grin. He leaned forward again, capturing Ukai’s mouth in a searing kiss while finally turning his hand so that he could cup Ukai’s dick through his jeans. Ukai flushed in embarrassment at the contact, and tried to keep his ass firmly planted in his seat instead of pressing up into Sugawara’s palm.  He wasn’t fully there yet, but the fact that he was hard in the slightest after a bit of making out with a kid was a shot to his pride.

Sugawara began to squirm in his lap, the fingernails of the hand on his shoulder biting into his skin even through his shirt.  He tried to get the kid to sit still by holding his hips tighter, but that just seemed to exacerbate the problem by pulling him closer.  Ukai can feel Sugawara’s hardness against his hip, and the boy lets out a small gasp as he grinds down.  Ukai feels a low growl bubbling in the back of his throat and he lets his head fall back, wincing as his head clips the edge of the counter.  Sugawara plants one more quick kiss in the center of his throat to alleviate the dull pain in his skull, and then the weight from his lap is gone.

Ukai nearly gives himself whiplash as he lifts his head, looking down to find Sugawara kneeling between his thighs instead of sitting on top of them.  The boy’s small hands are resting on top of his legs, one squeezing his thigh tightly, the other pressing into the top of his hip.  Ukai knows what he wants, but doesn’t think to say anything until the boy asks.

“Can I?”  Sugawara’s fingers were inching closer and closer to the buckle of his belt, tugging on it lightly in an attempt to undo it.  Ukai’s brain gives one more kick at rational thought, reminding him that he definitely shouldn’t be doing this.  That if he let this progress any further, if he let Sugawara do what he wanted (hell, he wanted it at this point as well), there would be no going back.  He wouldn’t be able to erase this or forget about it, even if he did try to cut it off.  But as per usual, Ukai wasn’t very good at dividing right from wrong.  It didn’t help that Sugawara’s innocent brown eyes suddenly had a glint of deviance and lust in them.  And there was the small fact that Sugawara licking his lips as his face hovered just centimeters from his dick was bound to become an indescribable weakness for him.  On top of it all, he was smiling.  The little shit was smiling like he had just received the best birthday present in the world, and he was pulling his lip between his teeth again and smiling.

“Fuck it. Go ahead.”

If it was even possible, Sugawara’s smile widened, the edges of his eyes crinkling up as he lifted both of his hands to pull Ukai’s belt from the buckle.  He didn’t remove it completely, instead letting it hang from the loops as he attacked the button and zipper of Ukai’s jeans.  Ukai lifted his hips slightly so that Sugawara could pull his jeans far enough down his thighs, leaving only the thin barrier of his underwear between his dick and the hot breath pouring from between Sugawara’s already wet lips.  He half expected the kid to chicken out at this point, maybe from being too overwhelmed by the situation. He sort of hoped that maybe the kid’s conscious would kick in and he would realize that he shouldn’t be doing this, but Ukai had no such luck as Sugawara hooked his fingers in the waistband of his boxers and tugged them down.

Ukai let his eyes slip closed as Sugawara pulled him from the confines of his clothes.  He smirks when he hears the boy mutter a small breathy “wow” as he traces a finger down the line of his dick.  He knew he shouldn’t be quite so pleased, having a few years on someone who had probably never handled a dick besides his own.  It didn’t really matter though, as Sugawara wrapped a calloused hand around him, giving a few experimental strokes before coming to a stop again.  He wasn’t sure why he had thought Sugawara’s hands would be soft and smooth.  He was still an athlete that used his hands more than anything, even if his slight frame led anyone else to believe otherwise.  The roughness was nice and welcome.

“Coach, is it alright if I-”

“Woah, woah, no.” Ukai opened his eyes again, frowning down at the boy between his legs.  “Don’t call me that right now. It’s weird.”

Sugawara pouted, trying to come up with something else to say. “Ukai-san?”

“No, no, just-”

“Just Ukai?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Sugawara’s mouth tilted up into a lopsided smile, and he began moving his hand again.  Slowly, but surely rubbing up and down the sides, pausing for a second or two to play with the head. He takes a deep breath before speaking again, and Ukai can feel his heavy exhale fluttering along his thighs. “Ukai.”  His name sound wrong coming out of Sugawara’s mouth, and he’s tempted to shut his eyes again.  If only he didn’t want to see the boy’s face when he asked his next question.  “Is it alright if I…?” Sugawara sticks his tongue out and squeezes his fingers gently around the dick in his hand.

“Yeah.”  He’s slightly ashamed by the gravelly tone of his voice, and swallows around the nervous lump in his throat. “Only if you want to.”

Sugawara nods enthusiastically, hair brushing across his forehead as he lifts himself from his knees to his heels.  His mouth is less than a centimeter from touching Ukai’s cock when he pauses to look up at him with that godawful grin on his face.  With a small smirk gracing his features he sticks his tongue out, licking a wet line from the base of Ukai’s cock to the head.  After he slowly twirls his tongue around the tip, he begins placing open mouthed kisses down both sides of the shaft, pausing here and there to suck lightly before licking the spot and moving on.  One of his hands wraps back around Ukai’s dick, squeezing and stroking at the base as Sugawara’s mouth returns to the head.  His eyes are still open, staring, watching the older man above him, even as he slides his mouth onto his cock.

If there was ever a time that Ukai felt like cursing his way to hell, it would be now.  He couldn’t understand how the kid below him could still look so pure with his mouth wrapped around a cock.  Sugawara’s eyes were shining as they looked up at him and his cheeks were flushed pink as if he had been out in the cold for too long.  But there was nothing cold about the situation they found themselves in.  Ukai was very tempted to buck his hips up into the warm mouth wrapped around him, to find out how much of his length Sugawara could take.  He was too good at this for a novice, too good for someone of his age.  He was kind of curious as to whose dick he had been sucking to get so good, but now was not the time or the place for those kinds of questions.  Now, he only had to sit back and let Sugawara put his unexpected talent to work.

But god did he want to touch him.

Still at a loss for what to do with his hands, Ukai reached one down, pushing Sugawara’s hair away from his forehead.  He let it sit there, at the top of the boy’s head, without really fisting into the soft, greyish locks curling under his fingers.  He felt the boy let out a small noise that was probably meant to be a sigh, and Ukai watched as Sugawara’s eyes slipped closed.  He had pretty eyelashes for a boy, or maybe that was just the clouded view from above as Ukai watched them flutter against Sugawara’s pink cheeks.  Everything about him was pink. His cheeks. His lips. His tongue which was sliding down the underside of Ukai’s dick, trying to make room for as much as possible inside Sugawara’s mouth.

It wasn’t long until Ukai had to put forth real effort to keep from thrusting up into Sugawara’s mouth.  His hips were shaking and he was breathing out heavily through his nose as his hand finally tightened in Sugawara’s hair.  The boy took this as an appropriate cue to move faster, removing his hand to allow more of Ukai’s dick into his wet mouth.   Ukai could feel him humming as his tip hit the back of Sugawara’s throat, and couldn’t find it in him to properly warn the kid between his legs about the coil tightening in his lower stomach.  Sugawara’s nails dug into his hips as Ukai came into his mouth with a quiet grunt.

Sugawara released him with a wet pop before reaching under the counter and pulling the small trashcan towards him.  He spit the mess in his mouth into the bin before pushing it away, smiling up at Ukai as he helped the older man pull his pants back up.

Once his zipper was back in place and he was in the process of doing up his button and belt, he allowed Sugawara to pull him up to his feet.  The slightly shorter kid threw his arms around Ukai’s shoulders, pulling him down into a quick open mouthed kiss.  He noted that Sugawara definitely didn’t taste like mint anymore.

Before he could even think to wrap his arms around the boy’s waist, Sugawara was gone, picking his bag up from the floor and heading towards the door.  Ukai tried to follow him but tripped over the trashcan.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

Sugawara turned around, looking at him as if he had just asked the simplest question in the book. “Home? I just noticed how late it was getting, and my mother is probably starting to worry.”

Ukai frowned, fumbling with his belt as he tried to comprehend what he had said.  “Wait.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t you want me to…You know?” Ukai makes a vulgar jerking gesture with his hand that only makes Sugawara laugh.

“I’m okay.  I just wanted to do that for you, this time.”

“This time?”

“Sorry, I was just assuming there might be a next time.” Sugawara shrugged, looking completely unperturbed by the fact that less than five minutes ago, his mouth had been wrapped around his coach’s dick.  “And if there isn’t, I’d really rather not.  Don’t want to get my hopes up, or something like that.”

Ukai let his jaw drop as he listened to Sugawara speak.  He had no idea what this kid was on, but it must have been something pretty good to have him confused like this.  He wasn’t really sure what sort of arrangement he had unwittingly thrown himself into but whatever it is, it involved Sugawara stepping back towards the counter, grabbing him by the collar and placing one more tender kiss on his mouth.

“Thank you.  I hope you have a good night. I’ll see you at practice on Monday.” And with that, Sugawara released him, unlocking the door and leaving before Ukai could form a coherent reply.  He watched his back recede through the window as he adjusted his clothes, suddenly realizing that anyone could have seen what had just occurred if they were walking by at the right time.

“Shit.” Ukai kicked the trashcan, before scrambling after it as a few pieces of paper scattered on the floor.  Luckily, none of the physical evidence of their encounter spilled onto the floor, and Ukai quickly knotted the bag up to take to the dumpster once he finished cleaning up the store.

That night, as he lay in his bed staring at the ceiling, he tried to think about the stars above his ceiling as opposed to the stars that seemed to shine in Sugawara’s eyes when he got his way earlier that day.  He still couldn’t really _understand_ what it was that Sugawara was after.  He couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that someone so much younger than him would want him in such a way.  Had he ever said anything that made it appear that he would be interested in a relationship with a student?  Not anything that immediately came to mind.  It just didn’t make any sense to him, though he supposed he would understand in time if he was meant to.  He laid to rest the images of Sugawara for the evening as he rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow and blocking out the world.  The best way to continue on, he decided, was to pretend nothing had happened at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened. A little backstory on this fic : it all started with me telling my friend I really wanted to see/read about Suga sucking Ukai's dick and since I could find nothing I decided I had to do it myself. And as I did that, it slowly spiraled out of control and I left myself with this debacle. 
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed and it wasn't too OOC because really, this was just meant to be everything I wanted to see and even though I'm not confident writing NSFW stuff, here it is.


	3. Chapter 3

It was surprisingly easy to pretend like nothing was amiss when he returned to practice on Monday.  Everyone was still alive and in one piece after nearly a week of absence, which was a small blessing considering the stories that Takeda whispered to him as they watched the boys practice from the sidelines. 

Apparently on Tuesday Hinata and Kageyama had gotten into a fight at the beginning of practice that could not be resolved, but by Wednesday morning, they were racing each other to the gym like normal. 

Wednesday afternoon there was an incident that involved someone (Takeda refused to specify who) getting smacked over the head with one of the net poles while packing up at the end of practice. 

Thursday brought new horrors involving Yamaguchi getting beaned in the face with a water bottle and having to be sent to the nurse. 

Friday was rather uneventful, according to the sensei.  Just a lot of running around in circles while Sawamura tried to get everyone under control.  Ukai considered making them all run suicides or a few court-lengths of flying falls, but figured none of that would have happened if he had been responsible and actually showed up to practice.

“How did you even survive before I agreed to coach?”

“Barely.”  Takeda gave him a grimace like smile before continuing to recount the rest of the noteworthy occurrences that took place during his absence.  The techniques the team managed to do right a few times.  The skills that were visibly improved upon.  Everything Ukai expected and nothing he didn’t.  Practice continued and ended with no out of the box occurrences and with no one requiring medical attention. 

It was a good day.

A good week, actually. An easy practice on Tuesday in anticipation for a practice match on Wednesday that was a hard-fought but well deserved victory for the boys. Thursday and Friday saw a return to regular practices, and everyone worked hard enough for Ukai’s liking.  Compared to the previous week, he was able to put on a better façade when staring holes into Sugawara’s back, and the boy continued in his promise to not draw more than usual attention to himself.

Ukai just couldn’t fathom how Sugawara could behave so normally around him after what had transpired between them.  How could he so easily pretend like nothing had happened when Ukai himself felt like a nervous wreck?  He wasn’t too proud of that, being barely able to conceal his emotional turmoil while the source of all of his problems stood there like it was nothing.

It was almost funny when he remembered thinking two weeks ago that Sugawara was the least troublesome of everyone he had to deal with on a daily basis.

He just felt like someone was watching him, observing his every move to try and see that hey! You did something wrong and you’re going to get punished for it! He knew no one actually knew, but that small blessing did nothing to stop his conscious from chewing away at the back of his skull.

This week, Sugawara came on Friday night.  There were still a few people in the store, stocking up on alcohol and other non-essentials for the weekend.  Sugawara gave him a small nod and a smile, and Ukai pointed at the short stool beside the counter with his thumb.  The kid plopped down on it with all the grace that a 17 year old boy shouldn’t have and it made Ukai’s heart speed up in an embarrassing way.  Sugawara stuck his feet out in front of him, inspecting his shoes as Ukai rang up the second to last customer.  When the man left the store with his purchases, Ukai clicked his nails against the countertop and turned to face Sugawara.  The boy gave him a honeyed smile and let his feet drop to the bottom rung of the stool.

“Why are you here?”

“I have something I need to talk to you about.” Sugawara grinned as he repeated the same words he spoke to Ukai two weeks ago.

“You’re a brat.”  Sugawara tried to press his lips together in a pout but failed as he was unable to mask the smile sticking to his face.  “I’ll talk to you if you help clean up.  I was planning on getting out early tonight.”

Ukai hands him a broom as he stands up, instructing him to start sweeping from the back cases.  He heard Sugawara call out to him as he started wiping down the small tables closest to the counter.  “Got big plans for tonight?”

“Something like that.”

He caught a sight of Sugawara as he passed between two aisles.  “Going out with some of the guys from the Neighborhood Association?”

“I really shouldn’t be telling you what I’m doing outside of work.”

“Sorry, sorry.” From his tone, Ukai could tell he wasn’t really sorry at all.  “Say, Coach?”

Ukai scooped some crumbs some slob had left on one of the tables into his hand.  “Hmmm?”

“What’s it like to be drunk?”

“If that’s your way of asking me to buy you beer, it ain’t gonna fly.”

“No, no, my mother would kill me if I even tried something like that right now.  I was just curious.”

“Just shut up and sweep.”  Ukai straightened up from the table he was wiping down when he saw the last customer approaching the register counter with their items.  By the time he had rung them up and locked the door behind them, Sugawara was standing at the end of one of the aisles, watching him with his chin propped on the broom handle.  “What?”

“Nothing.” Sugawara gives him a cheeky smile before resuming his task, quickly and efficiently sweeping the entire shop before Ukai is done straightening up the first row of shelves.

When Sugawara came to stand beside him and began helping him straighten cans, Ukai asked “are you going to tell me why you’re actually here, or not?”

“Yeah, sorry.  I was just waiting until everyone was gone so we wouldn’t get in trouble.” Sugawara turned so that he could lean one side against the shelf.  “Can we kiss again?”

Ukai doesn’t turn to face him, instead continuing to straighten shelves.  “We did a little more than kiss last time.”

Sugawara puts a smile on his face that is reminiscent of someone remembering a fond memory from their childhood.  “Yeah…we did.”

Ukai stops moving cans around, yet stays facing the shelves.  “And why do you always ask?”

“So you can say no if you want to.  I know you’re worried about getting in trouble.”  Sugawara takes a step forward, until he’s close enough to rest his chin on Ukai’s shoulder.  Ukai feels arms wrap around his waist, and he finally turns until he is chest to chest with Sugawara. The kid’s arms slide up until they are wrapped around his shoulders. “So…can we?”

“Yeah.”  Sugawara’s face is radiant as he gets his answer, pressing up the few centimeters required to connect his lips with Ukai’s.  He notices that they’re softer this week, Sugawara’s lips.  They’re less chapped and dry, probably because he hasn’t been biting them out of nervousness since last weekend.  He noted that on Monday he had already started leaving his lip alone, not once pulling it between his teeth or licking at it.  While he faintly misses the nervous habit, he also thinks that the softness of Sugawara’s mouth is nice and much more pleasant than dealing with the rough texture of chapped lips.

Ukai settles his hands on Sugawara’s back, one between his shoulder blades, the other lightly pressing into the expanse of his lower back, bringing him closer to Ukai’s front.  Sugawara lets out a pleased little sigh, and Ukai feels the boy’s fingers catch on his headband as he runs his hands through Ukai’s dyed blonde hair. His tongue tastes like artificial grapes today, as if he had been eating candy after practice. 

Sugawara presses forward, rolling his hips up into Ukai’s as his mouth is invaded by the older man’s tongue.  All of a sudden, Ukai retreats, holding Sugawara at arms-length while trying to catch his breath.

“Sit.” Ukai jerks a thumb over his shoulder, indicating the array of metal chairs clustered near the tables at the front of the shop.  He does as he’s told, and Ukai stands over him, one hand on the closest table, the other on his hip.  “What sort of game are you playing?”

“What do you mean? I don’t think I understand…”

“This. Why are you doing all of this?” Ukai waves a hand between them before crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Coming here three weeks straight asking stupid questions, doing things that probably aren’t even legal.  I can’t keep this up if I don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to accomplish.”

“I’m not trying to accomplish anything…”  Sugawara frowns, knitting his eyebrows together in concentration as he tries to correctly phrase his next sentence.  “I just wanted to.”

“You _wanted_ to?” Ukai makes a distressed noise in the back of his throat and plops down in the chair opposite Sugawara.  “That’s what I don’t understand.  _Why on earth_ would you want to do shit like this with your coach? I’m basically a grandpa compared to you.”

“You’re not that old.”

“Nine years.”

“My parents are eleven years apart in age.”

“How old your parents are doesn’t erase the fact that you’re still underage and clearly don’t grasp the concept of our age difference being half of your life-time.”

“I thought we already discussed that.  I’m almost 18, and after graduation it won’t really matter…”

Ukai groaned again, letting his head fall to his arms on the table.  “You’re fucking _impossible._ Why don’t you find some girl, or guy, your own age to fuck around with?”

“I don’t want to.  I like doing this with you.”  Ukai raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed.  “Would it be completely pathetic to admit having a crush on your coach for a while?” Ukai nods, and Sugawara laughs, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment.  “And then when I had the opportunity, I took it.  Is that so bad?”

“A little bit, when I can get fucking arrested for it.”

“I promise I won’t ever do anything to get you in trouble. I’d never do that.” Sugawara leans forward over the table, placing one hand on Ukai’s forearm.  Ukai lets out a long sigh and shrugs him off, resigning himself to his fate.  He could try to fake it all he wants, but he couldn’t lie to himself.  He was curious as to what exactly an arrangement with Sugawara would be like.  He had already admitted to himself that he wanted to know really fucking bad what Sugawara looked like under all those clothes.  What it would be like to be in a place with him where he wasn’t worried about being caught.  He knew that if he agreed, he’d have to constantly be on guard whenever he was at practice or when the team went places that involved spending the night.  At least until Sugawara graduated.  Maybe even a bit beyond that.  He was never known to make the right decisions when it came down to the wire, and as he pushed down all of his concerns to the back of his mind, he hoped he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.

“I can’t promise you any touchy feely emotional bullshit.  You understand that, right?”

Sugawara shook his head quickly, trying to show that he understood.  “That’s not what I want.  It was more of a desire for physical closeness than an actual romantic crush.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.  Then, I guess this is okay. Unless it starts getting risky or out of hand, I can deal.”

“Really?”  Sugawara jumps out of his chair, and makes his way to sit on Ukai’s lap but he is stopped with a hand in the middle of his chest.

“Not tonight.  I have stuff that I had actually planned on doing.”

“Oh, okay.”

“And you need to stop coming here for this reason.  If we get caught because you keep bugging me while I’m at work, I’m going to strangle you.”

“Then where…?”

“Fuck.” Ukai stands up and walks over to the counter, grabbing a pad of paper and a pencil.  He quickly scribbles something down before handing the paper to Sugawara.  “You can’t abuse this information.  If anyone else finds out where I actually live, it’ll be the end of you.”

Sugawara clutches the paper to his chest before folding it up and sticking it in his back pocket.  “I won’t let anyone else know.  I promise.  When can I…?”

“Tomorrow. If you want.  I’m not working the night shift for once, so…”

“Okay.” Sugwara smiles at him, as if he was expecting Ukai to say something else.

“Alright. Now get out of here before I change my mind.”

Sugawara takes in a big breath before slowly letting it out.  The smile on his face looks slightly disappointed, like he didn’t get what he wanted for once.  Ukai motioned for him to take a step closer, hoping to get rid of that depressing expression by grabbing Sugawara by the chin and pressing a tiny kiss to the boy’s forehead.  When he pulls away, Sugawara’s beaming smile has returned and he steps away with a small bounce in his walk. “Goodnight, coach.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ukai waves him off as he unlocks the front door to let himself out.  Sugawara pauses at the door for one last glance back and blows a kiss before walking out.  Ukai can feel his face beginning to burn as he locks the door once more, watching Sugawara walk away down the sidewalk and is he _actually_ swinging his hips?  Ukai shakes his head to remove the image from his mind when Sugawara is finally out of sight, and turns back to the empty store that is still only half cleaned.

Pushing the chairs back under the tables, Ukai couldn’t help to think that he had completely and totally screwed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one seems kinda sloppy too me but I'm too wrecked from my first week of classes to do anything about it. Just, let me know if I hecked up somewhere with spelling or grammar or anything else that makes it confusing.
> 
> Next one will be better.
> 
> Alot better.~


	4. Chapter 4

He wasn’t exactly sure why he had given Sugawara his address.  He wasn’t sure why he had told him to come over that night.  When he was in the moment, it made sense to rationalize that a sealed apartment would be safer for them to carry on in than his family’s store.  He only had two windows, one near the front door and one in his bedroom. The latter one was almost always covered, so no one could see what was going on if they walked past unlike the store.  No one he knew lived in the same apartment complex as he did, so there was little to no chance of getting caught by running into acquaintances.  It seemed like the perfect situation, yet he still had the nagging feeling like something was bound to go wrong.

It was around 6:50 pm when Ukai had himself convinced that the boy wasn’t coming.  He let out a long sigh, his anxieties deflating as it felt like some weight had just been lifted off of his chest.  He began cooking dinner, and was almost done when he heard the knock ten minutes after 7.  He swallowed down whatever that was rising in the back of his throat and went to answer it, hands in his pockets and bare feet dragging.  He hadn’t slept well last night. Or done much in the way of actual work when he was at the store this morning.  And since he returned home, all he had done was straighten everything up before sitting on his bed, stomach rolling with anticipation and nervousness.

His hands felt clammy as he grasped the doorknob, warm and damp and entirely uncomfortable.  He cursed as the door refused to budge, realizing he had forgotten to unlock it before trying again.  The setting sun was blinding as he opened the door, and he had to shield his eyes with his hands so he could see if it was the person he was expecting.

“Hey.”

“Hello.”

Ukai stepped to the side to allow Sugawara into his home.  The boy mumbled quietly, “pardon the intrusion” before making his way inside.  Ukai noticed he was dressed very similarly to the first time he saw him outside of his school uniform, except this time his collared shirt was a soft lilac instead of blue and the shorts clinging to his thighs were a light grey instead of khakis.  Sugawara quickly toed off his shoes and sets his bag down by the door.  Ukai nearly runs into his back when he pauses and scrunches up his nose.

“I think something’s burning.”

“Shit.” Ukai runs to the kitchen, nearly knocking Sugawara over in the process.  He pulls his food away from the stovetop seconds before it burst into flame.

“I think you used too much oil.”  Sugawara is standing at the entrance to his small kitchen, rubbing the shoulder Ukai had knocked into.  “What were you trying to do?”

“Fry this…” Ukai ashamedly pointed at the charred bit of whatever it was in his pan.

“I hope you weren’t trying to make me dinner or anything, because you said you didn’t want to do any coupley stuff.”

“It wasn’t for you, brat.”  Ukai tosses the ruined pan into the sink, opting to deal with that mess at a later point in time.  “Wasn’t sure when you were coming, and I got hungry.”

“I can help you cook something if you want.  I already ate, since I wasn’t sure how this was going to go…”

“Nah. Come on.” Ukai grabs Sugawara by the elbow, leading him away from the kitchen and down the hall to his bedroom.  He didn’t have a particularly large apartment, it was just big enough for one man but no one else, but it was nice enough considering his parents paid his salary.

“Are you sure?  My mom’s taught me how to cook different things-”

Ukai paused as they arrived at his bedroom door, turning around to face Sugawara before opening it. “Okay. Rule number one.  Quit mentioning your mother.  It weirds me out.”

“Well rule number one was the ‘don’t tell anyone’ thing…” Sugawara laughed at the frustrated look his senior was giving him.  “But okay, I’ll try to remember that.”

“Good. You do that.”  Ukai opens the door, stepping aside to hold it open for the younger boy.  Sugawara walks inside and stands in the center of the room, observing his surroundings. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.  Just, this isn’t how I expected your room to look. I thought it would be more…” Sugawara waved a hand in front of him, gesturing to the relatively clean room in front of him. “Beer bottles and cigarette butts and movie boxes everywhere.  But it’s really clean.”

Ukai lets his bedroom door fall closed with a quiet click before coming to stand beside Sugawara. “I’m not a slob you know.  I can take care of myself.”

“I can see that.  That’s good.” The boy turned and smiled up at him, nervousness apparent on his face.  Ukai could tell he was chewing on the inside of his lip as he placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“So.”

“So…”

“I guess we should get started then?” At the slight nod of the boy’s head, Ukai leaned down, catching his lips in a slight kiss. He felt the muscles in Sugawara’s shoulders relax as he eased some of the tension away, pressing closer when the kid’s hands wrapped themselves in the fabric at Ukai’s sides.  Sugawara gasped when Ukai pulled him forward by his hip, and Ukai took the opportunity to deepen their kiss, sliding his tongue into the boy’s mouth and teeth clicking together.  He felt Sugawara beginning to shake in his grasp, and pulled away only to find him trying not to laugh. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m sorry!” Sugawara’s back continued to shake as he attempted to stifle his laughter, letting out choked little giggles as his head falls to Ukai’s shoulder.  After a half a minute of standing in silence apart from Sugawara’s chuckles, Ukai has had enough, and pushes the boy to sit on his bed.  He sits down beside him, hands forming into fists as they rest in his lap.

Ukai pins the boy with a half-exasperated glare, and Sugawara pulls his lip between his teeth to stop the occasional laugh from falling out.  When it seems like he has completely regained his breath, Ukai speaks. “Question time.  What have you done before?”

Sugawara snickers as he inhales, and quickly covers his mouth with his hands until the fit passes.  When he is calm again, he answers, “what do you mean?”

“You know damn well what I mean. How far have you gone before?  How much experience do you have? I know it at least some because you seemed to know a little bit too much last weekend.”

Sugawara gives him a wicked little smile, but Ukai is determined not to fall for it. Not yet.  “I mean, I’ve done more than you probably expect.”

“How much?”

“I’ve gone all the way with one other person… So I know what to expect if that what you’re worried about.”  He rolls his shoulders and leans in until his chin is resting Ukai’s shoulder.  There is a slight purr in his voice, and it makes Ukai’s hands shake with anticipation.

He grabs Sugawara by the shoulders, pushing him over until his back hits the bed.  Ukai hovers over him, one hand on either side of the boy’s head while their legs still hang off the side of the bed.  “No, what I’m wondering is why the fuck you’re giggling like a damn virgin.”

“I guess I’m just nervous.  New person, new setting.” Sugawara shifts until Ukai gets the hint and kneels above him, knees on either side of the boy’s thighs.  He loops his arms around the older man’s neck, pulling down slightly until Ukai meets him in a soft kiss.  Ukai grunts when he feel Sugawara rubbing his thigh between his legs.  He breaks the kiss and looks down at the boy, a pink blush already dusting the tops of his cheeks.  “And there’s that too.  Intimidating.”

“You’re a deviant.” Ukai leans down again, pulling Sugawara’s bottom lip between his teeth, biting on it gently before releasing it in favor of licking a line down his neck.  Sugawara sighed, his soft breath tickling Ukai’s ear as he tangled his fingers in the older man’s hair.  Ukai really wanted to bite down, maybe suck a hickey or two into the kid’s pale skin, but knew that would be counterproductive to the whole ‘keeping it secret’ thing.  Instead he pressed a few kisses along the boy’s jaw until he began squirming underneath him.  “Sugawara.”

“Hmmm?” The boy had his eyes closed and a cocky, self-satisfied smile graced his lips.  When he heard Ukai call his name, one brown eye slid open the slightest little bit so that he could look at the man kneeling above him.  “Oh, and you can call me Suga, or something shorter. If that’s easier.”

Ukai nods, leaning forward to run his tongue along the boy’s lips.  When the Suga began giggling again, Ukai pulled away with a smirk on his face.  “Suga.”

“Yes~?” There was a drawl to his voice now, slow, careful, and sugary.

“How far are you expecting this to go?”

“Hmmm.” Suga dropped a hand from Ukai’s hair, pressing one finger to his lips in an expression of mocked contemplation, as if he actually had to think about his answer.  “As far as we can get I suppose.  Everything will be easier if we just go ahead and have sex.  Removes the awkwardness factor maybe a little bit.”

Ukai frowns as Suga props himself up to give him a kiss, but misses, smacking his lips at Ukai’s chin instead.  He drops back down to the mattress and sighs, rubbing one leg up, seeking contact with Ukai’s crotch again.  “You sound like you’ve been thinking about this.”

Suga grins sheepishly. “Well, yeah.  If I get my claws in you early, it makes it more difficult for you to want to leave later.”  To emphasize his point, Sugawara runs his nails down the side of Ukai’s neck, growling lowly in the back of his throat when his path is interrupted by the collar of Ukai’s t-shirt.  He looked up at Ukai with pleading puppy dog eyes and tugged at the bottom of his shirt, fingers brushing like feathers along the skin of Ukai’s hips.  Ukai sighed and sat up, lifting his shirt over his head and tossing it to the ground beside his bed.  If he was in this, he might as well go for broke and have no shame about it.  There was no point in questioning his decision making process while sitting on top of his student in bed.

Suga raised himself onto his elbows to watch as Ukai removed his shirt.  He raised a hand tentatively, pausing when his fingers where a few centimeters away from Ukai’s stomach to look up at him with an unspoken question in his eyes.  Ukai nodded, and Suga pressed his hand to the older man’s skin.  Ukai watched him, mesmerized as Suga traced lines up and down his abs (which admittedly weren’t as toned as they were two or three years ago), mouth slightly agape as he let his hand slip up, over Ukai’s chest before sliding back down to tug at the waistband of his pants.  Ukai fell forward, not quite sure if Suga was suggesting he get completely naked or simply requesting him to come closer again.  He wasn’t about to indulge the first possibility yet, not when Sugawara was still fully clothed.  The kid may have coerced him into this situation, but he wasn’t going to let the younger male be in control. 

Ukai pushed Sugawara’s shirt up until it was bunched around his armpits.  He heard the boy gasp as he tongued a line up the center of his stomach and chest, only stopping when his nose bumped into the roll of fabric sitting at Suga’s collar bone.  The boy began letting out whiny little sighs as Ukai turned his attention to his nipples, only licking at them long enough for them to perk up and harden under his tongue.  He sat up again, taking Suga with him as he helped the younger male tug his shirt over his head, tossing it to join Ukai’s on the floor. 

They fell back to the bed, Ukai shifting their position a bit so that he could kneel between Suga’s legs as opposed to on top of him.  He leaned down, pressing a kiss to the center of Sugawara’s stomach, smiling to himself as the kid giggled.  How fucking cute.  He was ticklish.  Suga was just full of surprises, it seemed.  His stomach was also soft, not chubby or flabby or anything like that. Just soft, like he didn’t spend as much time on the abdominal workouts as some of the other boys.  It was just smooth and soft and nice as Ukai ran his hands over it before grabbing Sugawara by the hips, adjusting his position until he could comfortably wrap is legs around Ukai’s waist.

Ukai jumped when he felt his headband snap back against his skull, glaring down at the boy below him in warning.  Sugawara just smiled back in a pseudo apology before reaching up again and sliding the elastic band out of Ukai’s hair.  A few strands of blonde fell onto his forehead before Sugawara pushed them away, grabbing a handful of Ukai’s hair to pull him down into an open mouthed kiss.  Suga was already panting as sucked Ukai’s tongue into his mouth, nipping at it playfully when the older man groaned.  Ukai reluctantly turned his attention from Sugawara’s mouth to his shoulder, realizing that this wouldn’t go anywhere fast if they only continued making out like fucking middle schoolers all night.  He considered leaving marks there as he dragged his teeth over Suga’s collarbone, but once again decided against it.  He may be able to hide it easier on his shoulder, but he still had to change clothes in the club room.

Ukai leaned up to nip at Sugawara’s ear, not realizing he had unintentionally pressed his hips into Suga’s until the kid let out a breathy little mewl right in his ear.  The sound was quickly followed by a cough, as if Sugawara was embarrassed that the noise had come out of his mouth.  Suga wrapped his arms tightly around Ukai’s neck, keeping his face in place by his shoulder as Ukai ground down again, this time harder and with purpose.  He smirked as he felt Sugawara’s warm breath puff against his neck in choked little moans, like the kid was trying to keep the noises from spilling out from his throat.  Ukai continued working his hips in a slow, lazy grind until he felt Sugawara’s nails digging into the skin of his bare shoulders.

Ukai unwound Suga’s arms from around his neck, sitting back and taking in the view below him.  Sugawara was breathing heavily, his flushed chest rising and falling in long, controlled intervals.  The skin of his shoulders was red from the attention it had received, though Ukai knew it wasn’t dark or defined enough to have left a mark behind.  And Sugawara’s eyes, his big brown, doe like eyes, were staring up at him in awe or fascination while his pretty swollen pink lips hung open slightly, letting out short puffs of air as he ran a hand through his own hair.  Ukai pressed a kiss to the spot below Suga’s eye before settling his hand at the button to the kid’s pants.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, just…” Sugawara wiggled his hips, trying to get more of Ukai’s hand in contact with his body.  He let out a disappointed little whine when Ukai grabbed his hip with his other hand, holding him still on the bed.  “Yeah. I’m fine. Go ahead. Ple-”

Sugawara stopped, eyes going wide as he sucked his lips in between his teeth as he cut his own sentence off.  Ukai smirked, shifting his hips a little bit, so that they were no longer in contact with Suga’s.  He hadn’t intended to play that game, but the kid was providing him with the perfect opportunity.  “What was that?  I don’t think I caught that last word.”

Sugawara shook his head, hair scattering loosely around his head.  He covered his mouth with his hands, and Ukai had to pry them away and hold them above his head to get him to speak. “No.”

“Come on. It sounded like such a nice word…”  He bent forward, still holding Suga’s hands captive as he whispered in the boy’s ear.  “If you repeat yourself, I’ll let you go.”

Suga shivered and strained his arms against Ukai’s hold, probably testing to see if he could free himself without saying that word.  He quickly gave up as the hands around his wrists tightened their grip.  Ukai leaned up so that he could look the boy in the eyes when he heard him take in a deep breath.  “Please.”

“Please what?”  Ukai smirked when Suga’s face went red, even his ears and neck staining itself in an embarrassed blush.

“Please. Touch me…”

Ukai nodded to himself, closing his eyes as he pretended to contemplate honoring Sugawara’s request.  He let the boy’s hands go when he started wriggling again, trying to push his lower body back into contact with Ukai’s.  The older male grabbed his hip with his left hand, making Suga pause in his movements, before using his right to pop the button of Sugawara’s shorts.  The boy immediately let out a pleased sigh, as if a fucking button was the only thing keeping him from being free.  But that didn’t compare to the groan that leaked from between his teeth as Ukai slowly slid the zipper down, the process a little difficult as Sugawara was already pressing up against the front of his pants.  Ukai palmed Sugawara’s dick through the thin veil of his underwear, reveling in the way the boy writhed and desperately tried to keep his noises quiet.  He was starting to feel quite desperate himself, and didn’t spend much time on this activity before inching up to hook his thumbs in the waistband of Sugawara’s underwear and shorts, smoothly pulling them down over his hips and legs.  They landed on the floor with a dull flop, though they could have gotten caught on the ceiling fan for all he cared.  The only thing that mattered right now was the boy lying on the bed beneath him, and realizing that he wasn’t really that much of a boy at all.  He was still young, but the sight of him made Ukai’s heart speed up and his mouth water and he just wanted to touch. To run his thumbs over his exposed hipbones and listen to that sweet bell of a laugh.  To slide his hands down legs that looked a lot longer when they weren’t covered by any clothes and watch the way Suga squirmed as he threw those legs over his shoulders.  To wrap a hand around his erect cock that was currently lying against his lower belly and make him come until he forgot what his own name was.  He appreciated the view, noting that it fit him well. Neither big nor small, but just the right length and girth for someone of Suga’s size, and have just the slightest curve up towards his belly button.

Ukai felt a small tug on the waistband of his own shorts and looked up to see Sugawara looking at him with an embarrassed blush on his face.  “Stop staring at me like that.”

“Sorry.”  He wasn’t really.  The nervous look Sugawara was giving him now was one of the most delightful expressions he had ever seen, and it just added to the excitement of the situation.  Ukai removed himself from between Sugawara’s legs for a few seconds, stepping off the bed to slip out of the rest of his clothes.  He could feel Suga’s eyes on him, burning his skin as he sidestepped to his nightstand, pulling out a few supplies before dropping them next to the boy on the bed.  Sugawara is warily eyeing the bottle of clear liquid when Ukai slips back between his legs.  He rubs one hand across the top of Suga’s thigh, and the boy looks back up at him.  “You can change your mind. You know that right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Sugawara shifted so that his legs more comfortably fit around Ukai’s waist.  He stretched his arms above his head, back curling up slightly, and looking entirely too relaxed for someone getting ready to have sex with their coach.  “You’re just acting much more upfront than I thought you would. Considering how reluctant you were when we first began.”

“No point in being shy about it now.”  Ukai squeezed the back of Suga’s thigh, letting his fingers drift down until he was cupping the boy’s ass in his hand.  “Ready for this?”

“Yeah.” 

Ukai nearly died when Sugawara spread his legs further, opening himself up and exposing parts of himself that Ukai never expected he would see.  He never expected he would want to see them either, but he did, especially as he traced a finger down the line of Suga’s ass, stopping to rub a thumb gently over the boy’s hole before reaching around to grab the bottle of lubricant that had come to a rest beside the boy’s hip.  After slicking up his fingers, he rests the first one against Suga’s entrance.

“Okay?”

Sugawara squirmed against his hand, trying to get Ukai to slide his finger in already. “Go on.”

Ukai sighs, leaning down to press a quick kiss against Sugawara’s forehead.  Suga laughs as his hair falls into his face again, and uses both his hands to hold the blonde back, drawing Ukai into a kiss as he quickly and easily slides his first finger in to the knuckle.  He pulls away just far enough to mumble against the boy’s lips.  “Did you…?”

“Yeah.”  Suga lets out a breathy moan as Ukai slides his finger in and out a few times before deciding that it was alright to use two.  “Yeah, I did.  Last night, after I got home from seeing you.”

Ukai bites back a curse as Suga momentarily tightens around his fingers, before relaxing enough for him to continue.  After a few shallow thrusts, he slips both fingers in as deep as he can, scissoring and stretching until he finds that spot that has Suga writhing on his fingers and his back arching off the bed.  The kid lets out a disappointed little whine when Ukai removes his fingers, but Ukai swears he looks like he could start singing when he feels three pressing into him on the next thrust.

He is nearly satisfied with his preparations when Sugawara speaks again in a breathy, far away voice.  “I thought about you.”

“What are you talking about?” Ukai presses a kiss to the side of Suga’s neck, hoping to distract him from any discomfort he might be feeling, even though from the looks of it, Suga was floating away from cloud nine into space right about now.

“Last night.  When I did this.”  Suga reaches between his legs, touching the top of Ukai’s hand just above the fingers that were sliding in and out of his body.  Sugawara smeared some of the excess lubricant with of his fingers, dragging it up over his balls and dick before wrapping a hand around himself and stroking in time with Ukai’s slowing thrusts.  “It wasn’t the first time either.”

“Oh?” Ukai continued to move his fingers, occasionally brushing over the spot that always made Suga cry out and tighten up around him.

“Yeah-ah!”  Sugawara clenched up again, and dropped his hand away from his cock, wiping away the lubricant on the sheets.  “I always imagined it was you instead of me.  Doing this.” Sugawara found Ukai’s other hand grasping at his hip and pried it loose so that he could tangle their fingers together.  Ukai’s mouth was still on his neck, so Suga turned his head to the side and whispered “but I also imagined you fucking me.”

Ukai cursed out loud and sat back, removing his fingers from Suga’s ass before reaching for the condom laying near the boy’s head.  He nearly dropped it when Suga grabbed his wrist, stopping him from opening it.

“I want to do it.”

He could only nod as he let the little foil package fall into Sugawara’s outstretched hand.  He watched as the boy fumbled with the wrapper for a second before ripping it open, slipping it out and sliding the condom so terribly slowly down the length of his cock that it made a frustrated sweat begin to break out on the back of his neck.  Sugawara pinched at the tip of the latex before grabbing the bottle of lubricant beside him, tipping it upside down and dribbling a liberal amount on Ukai’s erection. After smearing it around, Sugawara looked up, and giving him a wicked smile, slipped his lubed up hand between his own legs and slipped two of his fingers inside.  He let out a few self-satisfied sighs as Ukai watched him, mouth hanging open at the sight of one of his students fingering himself on his own bed.

After a minute long eternity, Suga removes his hand, lifting his eyes to the older male’s stunned face.  He smirks up at him, sticking out his tongue as Ukai continues to stare at him in aroused disbelief before shifting his hips up, attempting to get Ukai to come back down to earth.  “Come _on._ ”

Ukai shakes his head, clearing out some of the cotton between his ears that have clouded his vision of everything but Sugawara sliding his delicate fingers into his own ass.  Ukai grabs the boy’s milky white thigh, throwing his leg over his shoulder as he put Suga into a position that would easily allow him access to his entrance. He leans over again, setting his teeth against the boy’s shoulder as he slowly pushes his way inside, stopping every few centimeters as Suga makes noises that sounded like he could be in pain.  But as Ukai lifted himself up, he recognized the expression on the kid’s face was not one of discomfort.  He takes a deep breath before plunging in to the hilt, reveling in the way that Sugawara tightened against him and the warm, heavy breath now rolling in waves across his face as Suga desperately tried to keep his voice low.  Ukai swallowed thickly, the muscles in his thighs tensing as he attempted to restrain himself until Suga relaxed.

“Go!” Suga choked out the command as he threw his arms around Ukai’s neck.  His leg fell from Ukai’s shoulder as the man obeyed his order on the first thrust, pulling all the way out before slamming back in in a way that made Suga see stars behind his closed eyelids.  He wrapped his legs around Ukai’s waist as his mouth fell open in a silent scream, hands clawing at the older man’s shoulders.  Suga dug his heels into Ukai’s lower back, trying to get as much of Ukai’s cock inside of him as he possibly could as he let himself be fucked into the mattress.

Ukai picked up the pace when choked moans began falling out of Sugawara’s lips again.  The boy wasn’t making any sense at this point, any words actually making their way up Suga’s throat clipped versions of his name and short little commands for faster! Harder! There, right there!

He tried to follow the instructions as best as he could, as lost as he was in his own ecstasy. His world view shrank until there was nothing but Suga’s sweet little voice panting heavily in his ear as he tried to bite back his cries. Suga’s small hands digging marks into his shoulder blades and scratching lines down his back.  Suga’s thighs clamping tightly around his waist as he tried to fuck himself back onto Ukai’s dick and Suga’s cock dragging wetly across his stomach.

Ukai wrapped a hand around the boy’s dick, and Ukai swore that Suga was about to pass out from the way his head rolled backwards after the first few strokes.  It didn’t take long, no more than ten pumps before Suga was screaming, voice cracked and raw, his come spilling over Ukai’s fist as he worked him through his orgasm.

Ukai kissed him when his mouth closed, fisting his hands in the sheets on either side of Sugawara’s head before beginning his thrusting with renewed vigor.  Suga, who let out a little squeak after every other stroke, opened his eyes, vision hazy and relaxed, and began placing little kisses all over his face and neck as he whispered small encouragements as Ukai chased his own completion.   Sugawara ran his hands down Ukai’s sides, feeling his muscles working under his skin before biting down on the skin of Ukai’s shoulder.  After two more shaky, uneven thrusts, Ukai comes, dropping his entire weight on top of the boy below him.

After a few minutes, Ukai feels Sugawara pushing at his shoulder.  “Heavy.”

“Sorry.”  Grabbing the edge of the condom, Ukai pulls out before removing the latex, tying it up and tossing it in the trashcan beside his bed.  He flops facedown beside Sugawara, bracing his head on his arm as he tried to regain control of his heart rate.  He spares a glance over at the boy beside him who is still lying on his back, eyes closed and mouth slightly open as he took in long, steady breaths.  Ukai was sure he had fallen asleep until he saw the corner of Suga’s mouth tilting up in smile.

Letting out a long sigh, Ukai sits up and pushes his hair out of his eyes before reaching over Sugawara to the night stand.  The boy’s eyes open as he leans over, watching him as he pulls a cigarette from its pack and places it between his teeth.  He lights it, inhaling deeply before letting the smoke out.  He knows that Sugawara is still watching him, so he removes the cig from his mouth to talk.

“You okay?”

Suga gives him a sleepy little smile and nod. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

The kid doesn’t seem to be moving very quickly to re-clothe himself, so Ukai reaches to the foot of his bed and grabs a sheet big enough to throw over both of their laps before leaning his back against the wall.  Sugawara thanks him, letting the sheet pool over his legs as he continues to watch Ukai.  He raises an eyebrow as the kid stares, blowing out a cloud of smoke.  “What?”

“What’s that taste like?”

“What? This?” Ukai tips a bit of ash into the tray that he pulled from the nightstand before taking a slow pull again.  Sugawara nods, rolling onto his side and propping his head on a hand. “Shit.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”  Ukai pinches the cigarette between two fingers, holding it out to Suga.  “Here.”

“Seriously?” 

“It’s not like offering an underage kid a cig is the worst thing I’ve done tonight. Here.”

Sugawara finally sits up as he takes the cigarette from Ukai.  He stares it down warily, only taking a short drag after Ukai gestures at him to hurry it up.  He lets out a spurting cough as he hands the cig back to Ukai, his face turning red as he tries to get the smoke out of his lungs.  “That’s awful.  How can you do that?”

“Started in high school cuz some of my friends were doing it. Never stopped.”  Ukai blew a perfect smoke ring up at the ceiling, grinning as Suga watches him in amazement.  “May kill me, but it’s pretty good for impressing people, though.”

Sugawara shifts so he can sit side by side with Ukai, bumping their thighs together.  “You don’t really have to try to impress me or anything.”

“Obviously not.”  Even though he doesn’t look down at Sugawara as he speaks, Ukai can feel the way the kid blushes as heat rolls of his face.  Suga is pressing his face to the side of Ukai’s shoulder now, letting out shaky little breaths.  They sit in silence, Suga composing himself and Ukai rubbing the butt of his cigarette out in the tray before someone says something.

“I should probably leave now?”  Suga asks this as a question as opposed to a statement, as if he’s asking permission to do otherwise.  “I’ve ever only really done this with people I’m actually _dating_ before so I’m not really sure how…”  He lets his sentence drawl off as he tangles his hands in the sheet at his waist.

“You can stay.  If it’s alright with your parents.”

“Oh yeah. Of course, I’ll tell them I’m staying with Daichi or something.” Suga crawls over to the side of the bed, plopping down on his stomach to look through the pile of clothes for his phone.  Once he find it, he sits back up, standing on his knees as he searches through his contact list for a number.  While he dials the number, Ukai appreciates a view he didn’t get to experience while Suga was lying on his back the whole time.  His skin was the same color all over, no tan lines or blemishes except for a small little mole in the center of his left shoulder blade.  His lower back dipped in a little bit, as if he was throwing back his shoulders, and there were two little dimples at the base of his spine.  And his ass, round and smooth and tight, just the way Ukai would have imagined, really made him regret not getting to see Sugawara on his knees earlier in the night.

“Mom?  Yeah, I’m at Daichi’s house.  I was just wondering – OW!” Sugawara whips around so fast that he loses his balance on his knees and falls to the side, catching his weight on one hand as he glares at Ukai who is attempting to give him a meek, impish smile as if he hadn’t just slapped his student’s ass.  “No, I’m okay, I just stepped on something.”  Suga mouths out ‘why did you do that?’ as his mother was speaking. “No, no, I was just wondering if it would be okay-” Ukai pulls him up so that Suga is sitting in his lap, and begins kissing along the length of Suga’s neck and shoulder.  “If it would be _okay_ for me to spend the night at Daichi’s house?” Suga tries to push Ukai’s hands away as they begin dancing up and down his sides, trying to find the perfect spot to tickle him. Suga begins to let out a breathy little giggle, but bites his tongue to muffle the sound.  “Yeah, I’ll be home in the morning or early afternoon sometime. I think Daichi wants to watch this new movie he got so we might be up late.”  Ukai wraps an arm around the back of the boy’s thighs, rubbing his hand down the smooth skin until he can palm at the soft expanse of Suga’s ass.  “I will. Yes, okay. Goodnight, Mom!”

Suga hangs up his phone and tosses it to the side before wrapping his arms around Ukai’s neck and pulling him into a searing kiss. He pulls away after a few seconds with a loud smack, intentionally digging his nails into the back of the older man’s neck.  “What were you doing?”

“Nothing.” Ukai smirks and lets himself be pushed back on the bed, Suga quickly removing the sheet that separates them so that he can seat himself comfortably on Ukai’s lap again.  Sugawara leans over him, bracing one hand on either side of his head, pouting down at the man below him.  Ukai grabs Suga’s hips with his hands, rubbing calming circles with his thumbs.

“You’re the one who’s going to get us caught.”

“Well you seem to be a pretty good liar.”  Ukai slips one hand around to grasp Sugawara’s ass, enjoying the way the boy squeaked as he was roughly pulled forward.  “And you can’t tell me that you weren’t trying to do something, wiggling your hips like that as you crawled across the bed.”

Sugawara shrugs, not giving a positive answer to the claim. Instead, he drops his head again, biting and licking at the sides of Ukai’s neck, determined to get him back for nearly outing him to his mother.  He lets his hips fall on top of Ukai’s, letting their cocks rub together as they slowly come back to life.  When they are both erect once more, Suga pulls away from Ukai with an innocent smile before reaching into the drawer he had seen Ukai retrieving the condom from earlier.

It was around the time that Sugawara was sinking down onto his dick, his head thrown back and his gorgeous thighs straining as he quickly set his full weight down on top of him that Ukai realized that maybe, this mistake might turn out to be one of his better ventures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More self-indulgent fuckery. Literally. I promised this one would be better than the last chapter so I hope I delivered. I just...really wanted to do this and I did it and I'm sorry, I'm still not confident with NSFW scenes, but its coming along.


	5. Chapter 5

Ukai woke the next morning with a wicked crick in his neck and a really fucking heavy weight on his chest.  He racked his brain to remember what had happened last night as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before catching a glimpse of the mop of silver hair sitting below his chin.

He discovered that his chest felt heavy because Suga was literally lying on top of him, their legs tangled together and his arms forming a comfortable circle around the older man’s head.  Ukai could feel Suga’s soft, even breaths on his bare chest, and wrapped an arm around the sleeping boy’s shoulders as he ran his free hand down his back.  He tried to raise his head to get a look at the clock on his wall, but let it fall back with a hiss when he felt the pain of a hundred knives stabbing into the back of his neck.  Oh yeah. That hurt because he refused to put his head down or try to find a pillow to prop his head while Suga was riding him.  Yeah. The pain was definitely worth it. Body bowed backwards as he propped his hands on Ukai’s knees, his entire body flushed with exertion and that fucking beautiful look on his face as he came without being touched. Ukai didn’t even know it was possible for someone to _actually_ do that.  He had heard stories and things, but figured his time for seeing such an event had passed when all of his partners began needing more and more stimulation as he his gained experience.  Sugawara was constantly surprising him, but even that came as something of a shock.

After another 10 minutes or so of running his hands across Suga’s soft, warm skin, Ukai shifts, uncomfortable with the weight on his chest no matter how adorable it is while it’s sleeping.  He tried to move Suga off of him without waking him up, but the boy began to squirm as soon as he was moved, making tiny objections to waking up after being so comfortably perched.  Ukai gently dumped him to the side, and Suga finally woke up, brown eyes sliding open slowly as he moves to rest his head on Ukai’s shoulder.

Ukai placed a small kiss on the boy’s forehead, and he laughed sleepily, but entirely sated and content.  The boy shifted his face upwards and puckers his lips, expectant and waiting.  Ukai obliged him with a small peck and a half-asleep grin before ruffling his hair.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning~.”  Suga’s voice is still slow and thick, but he still managed to put a little sing-song tone behind his words.

“Feeling okay?”

“I’m fantastic.”  Ukai lifted an eyebrow and Suga buries his face in the skin of the other male’s shoulder.  His voice is muffled when he spoke again. “Okay, I’m a little sore.  But it’s not bad.”

Ukai frowned.  He hadn’t been intending to leave the boy in pain.  “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Suga rolls over, stretching his arms over his head as he let out a loud yawn.  “I’ll be fine for the practice match tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? Did you forget?”

“No, of course not.”  He actually had let it completely slip his mind.  He remembered recalling the scheduled event sometime Friday afternoon, but after Suga’s visits to the store and his home, it was easy to see how a worried mind forgets things.

“You’re such a liar.”  Suga propped himself up with one arm.  Ukai notices a small, purplish-red mark at the top of the boy’s shoulder. He reached out a finger and traced a line around the perimeter of the mark.

“Oops.” Oops didn’t even begin to cover the turmoil he was feeling boiling in his stomach.  He had been consciously trying to not do anything that would leave behind evidence.  He bit down on the inside of his lip as he frowned at the forming bruise.

“It’s okay.  Don’t worry.”  Suga tried to reassure him with a soft touch and a smile, but Ukai wasn’t pleased with himself for leaving behind such an obvious hickey.

“Just be careful.  When you’re changing clothes and stuff at school.”

“I will.”  The boy removed Ukai’s hand from his shoulder and placed a few pecks on the back on his fingers, before lacing their fingers together.  With their entwined hands on Ukai’s belly, Suga places his head on his new lover’s shoulder once more, letting out a loud, contented sigh when he feels the older man’s fingers tracing up and down his spine.  “I should probably take a shower before I go home.”

“I can help you with that.”  Ukai feels Sugawara grinning into his shoulder as his face heats up.  He flattened his hand at the base of Suga’s back, and the boy threw one leg over his, pressing himself even closer.

“I want to stay here for a little while. If that’s okay.”

“It’s okay.”

Ukai smiled when he heard the boy’s breathing even back out, indicating that he had fallen asleep again.  He tried to snooze himself, but the heat from the younger male’s body was so consuming that his mind wouldn’t rest from the thoughts of where exactly Suga’s naked body was pressed against his own.  He would have liked to stay there all day.  He could have too if Suga’s phone wasn’t buzzing incessantly on his nightstand.  He grabbed it, quickly sliding it open to see that Suga had a list of unread messages. From his mother.

“Whoops.”

Suga had only been asleep for another hour at most when Ukai began elbowing him in the stomach to wake him up.  He accepted his phone with a grumble, inspecting the messages before dialing his mother.  From what Ukai could garner, his mother was wondering where he was, because he hadn’t realized it was already 1:30 in the afternoon.  Suga promised to be home by five, indicating that he had already completed _that_ essay and only had to do a few math problems before going to school the next day.  Suga sat up when he ended the call, saying that he was ready to take a shower.

Ukai led him there, holding him around the waist with one arm as he tried to get back to non-wobbly legs.  “I haven’t had to deal with the possibility of being interrupted by a phone call from mom since I was in high school.”

“Sorry, I guess.  I’m sure you haven’t had to deal with someone having to rush off to do homework after you’re done since high school either.”  Suga’s bare hip bumped against his playfully as they paused so Ukai could grab spare towels out of the closet beside the bathroom.

Ukai ignored the snarky little comment, instead following Suga into the bathroom.  As he leaned over to turn the water on, he felt a sharp smack on his ass, and quickly turned around to see a very smug Suga standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

“For last night.”  Sugawara took a step forward, wrapping his arms around Ukai’s waist and pressing up on his toes to connect their lips in a haughty, confident kiss.

It was still hard to be sure, but as Ukai stepped into the running water behind the younger male, he started to feel like his lapse in judgment in agreeing to this relationship with Sugawara may not be a mistake after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, whoops. I wrote the whole thing in one go, and just split it at the natural breaks in the original document. The next one is short too, I think. But I did try to pay attention to tense this time, so if its still messed up, the apparently I don't know the difference between present and past tense -shot-.
> 
> But yeah, cutesy bootsy, that's that.


	6. Chapter 6

It was easy, so very easy to carry on after that night. 

It was easier to pretend like there was nothing there when Suga came to him twice a week, ready to live out the fantasies that played in the back of his mind during practice. 

It was easier to interact with him with their clothes on, when no one else around was allowed to know about their relationship. 

It was easier to keep it secret since it no longer felt like his head was about to explode every time Suga lifted his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face because he had already seen the boy in his purest form, with no clothes to be pulled away or removed. With nothing hiding his body from Ukai’s eyes, leaving nothing to the imagination.  And of course there was the small fact that he could easily coax the boy into seeing whatever it was he wanted to see later, when there were no prying eyes to pass judgment on them.

It was so easy that there came a point that Ukai began to question why he was ever against the possibility of an arrangement like this.  Sugawara was very mature for his age, sometimes even more so than himself.  He was a great actor, and could come up with a lie on the spot if one of his teammates ever noticed a mark Ukai had left on his skin by accident.

It was only a couple of weeks before Sugawara began coming around more often, though Ukai didn’t mind much.  Sugawara would come over after practice, arriving ten or twenty minutes after Ukai did on the days he didn’t have to work at the store.  He would greet the boy at the door, kissing him after the door had shut behind them.  Suga would do his homework at the kitchen table while coaching Ukai on how to cook various simple meals without burning them and helping Ukai discover that the normal charred taste he produced was actually not the most delectable.  They would eat together, Suga’s laugh ringing like a bell in his normally quiet apartment, and then they would retreat to the bedroom.  Sometimes they didn’t make it that far, fucking on the floor of the kitchen, the couch, the hallway.  But it didn’t matter, as long as Ukai got to see the beautiful face Suga made when he came, eyes screwed shut, head lolling back, and mouth hanging open.  Even with his jaw hanging loose, Ukai could still see the boy trying to smile through his orgasm, completely consumed and enveloped in the feelings coursing through his body.

They had been in their relationship for about two months when Suga came over to spend the day one Saturday.  Ukai didn’t have to work that day for the first weekend in forever, and Suga never said why he wasn’t spending time with his friends instead of cooping up in his coach’s apartment.   He was sitting on Ukai’s couch, knees bent as he leaned against the armrest doing some of his homework while Ukai was desperately trying not to burn their lunch.  They had already had sex once that day, right as Sugawara arrived that morning with all smiles and smelling of green apples.  Ukai had long since discovered that Suga liked chewing a large variety of different gum flavors when he was outside of school, so he always smelled and tasted like something different. Today was apples, yesterday plain bubblegum.  He favored plain mints the most, or at least Ukai figured that was his favorite since that was the most common flavor he tasted in the boy’s mouth.

He had just finished chopping up some vegetables when he heard Suga call him from the living room.

 “Ukai?” His voice sounded nervous for some reason, as if he was worried about what Ukai would say.

 “Hmmm?”

 “I was just wondering. Can you call me Koushi in private?”

Ukai set the knife in his hands down on the counter before wiping them on a dishrag and walking into the kitchen to see Suga hiding his face behind his textbook. “Koushi?”

Suga lowered his book just enough so that his eyes showed over the paper. “Yeah. Like, my first name.”

Ukai tossed the rag in his hands back onto the counter and walked over to sit on the arm of the couch above Suga’s head.  He plucked the book out of the boy’s hands and dropped it to the floor.  “Why?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.  I understand that since this is supposed to be just a….physical…thing, right?”

“Yeah, but why do you want me to?”

Suga averted his eyes, looking down at his feet instead of at Ukai’s face. “I just thought it would be nice.  We’ve been doing this for a while and I thought it might be more comfortable if you used my first name.”

“Okay.”  Ukai ruffled Suga’s hair before getting up and returning to the kitchen.  He grins when he hears the boy make a disgruntled squack before padding into the kitchen.  He looked good like that, hair ruffled and in nothing but his underwear and one of Ukai’s t-shirts.  It was too big for him, the hole around his neck exposing too much shoulder and the torso flowing loosely around his thin frame, but he looked good.

“Okay? What does that mean?”

“Just, okay.  I’ll probably only do it in bed though.  We can’t be that familiar as to use it all the time.”

“That makes sense.”  Suga came up behind him, peering over his shoulder to observe what he was doing.  After a few minutes, Suga wraps his arms around him from behind, pressing his face between Ukai’s shoulder blades.  “Ukai?”

He pauses in his preparations temporarily to rub a hand over one of Suga’s.  “Yeah?”

“Can I call you Keishin then, too? When we’re in bed?”

“That’s okay.”  Ukai tries to bite back a smile as Suga makes a contented noise and nuzzles his face into his back.  It was okay.  Better than okay.  He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it sooner.  He wanted to drop what he was doing right then and there just so that he could hear his name roll off of Suga’s tongue in the heat of the moment.  But this was nice too.  Just standing here, with the boy’s arms wrapped around him.  It was very domestic and normal, and something he never really experienced before.  And despite the unfamiliar territory they were treading through, it almost felt taboo to break the comfortable silence they had just fallen into.

Now that he was given permission to use Suga’s first name, it almost felt like he was holding a precious secret that he could never let anyone else know about.  It seemed very important to the kid that he start using his first name.  He had noticed that no one called him by it, not even Sawamura who appeared to be Suga’s closest friend.  The possibility that Suga might be getting too attached to him became apparent, and the thought reignited that nervous, gnawing feeling at the back of his brain that told him he was doing something wrong.

He was still Sugawara in practice, where no one could know that Ukai had seen the beautiful face he makes when he comes, all limp and relaxed and content.  He was Suga when Ukai met him at the door to his apartment and when they ate dinner together under the flickering bulb in the kitchen. He stayed Suga when they sat side by side on the couch, while he was pressed under his arm with one hand on his thigh.  But now, he was Koushi in bed, with the blinds drawn and the only light coming from the small lamp beside his bed.  He was Koushi when he was as naked as the day he was born, the day his parents first gave him that name.  He was Koushi when he was on his back, legs spread and skin flushed, waiting, begging for Ukai to touch him.  And he was Koushi as his nails dug lines into Ukai’s back when he came, and during those few seconds he allowed himself to call his partner by his first name and they were just Koushi and Keishin before they went back to being Suga and Ukai once more.

It was nice being able to call Suga by his first name when they were together.  It gave their situation an air of comfortable familiarity that was different than any of his previous relationships.  But that was the thing that bothered him the most.  He wasn’t supposed to feel comfortable.  He was supposed to keep this strictly business.  All physicality no emotionality, or something like that.  But then, he started noticing little things.  Like the way Suga’s nose scrunched up when he laughed too hard and the way his hair stuck to his forehead when it was wet. How he always gave movies his complete attention, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open even if it was just a documentary of the paint drying in a graveyard.  How he looked when he woke up in the morning. The way his muscles tightened under his skin when he felt like he was going to be the victim of a tickle attack.  Ukai felt like he shouldn’t know those things.  That it was all too personal for a thing that was meant to be just sex.  And it probably was.

He probably shouldn’t have let Suga use his first name, and he definitely shouldn’t have agreed to call him Koushi.

He shouldn’t have let Suga come over when they didn’t want to have sex to just watch a movie or play a game or talk.

He should have told him to go home. That he couldn’t spend the night that first time because then their encounter wouldn’t have resulted in cuddling and closeness and all the stupid things that turned their relationship into a relationship instead of just a fling or affair or whatever the hell it should have been but wasn’t.

He should have rejected Suga’s advances from the beginning, but he didn’t and now he was worried that he actually might like the kid in a capacity that was inappropriate for their situation.

Ukai knew that Suga had realized something was up a while ago. It was two or so weeks after Suga had requested the use of his first name, and Ukai had been acting strangely for a few days.  He was acting more reserved and quiet than was typical for him, even during practice.  He was determined to figure out what was wrong, even if it meant doing something that Ukai didn’t really approve of.

“Coach?”  Sugawara approached him at the end of practice after everyone else had left the gym.  Ukai was only still there to look over the training menu for the next week.

Ukai looked up at him, his face blank as it normally was when they had to interact outside of Ukai’s apartment.  “What’s up?”

“You’ve been acting odd for a few days.  I hope everything’s alright.”

Ukai took a quick glance around the gym from his seat near the sidelines.  After assuring himself that they were the only two people in the room, he returns his gaze to Suga’s concerned face.  “Can’t we talk about this later?”

“Of course. As long as you promise to actually talk about it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Run on home.” Ukai waved him off, putting back up the face of a responsible coach.

“Okay.  See you tonight.” Sugawara leaned forward, bracing his hands on Ukai’s knees as he caught the man with an unexpected kiss. Ukai jolted at the surprise attack before pressing up to return the gesture.  They stayed like that for no longer than ten seconds before Ukai pushed him away, wiping at the back of his hand against his mouth.  He almost felt bad at the hurt look on Suga’s face, but it was quickly masked as he heard the reason Ukai roughly shoved him off.

“Ukai-kun!”

“I’m still in here!” Ukai called out to Takeda-sensei, as he gestured to Suga to leave.  Suga nods and heads towards the exit, just in time to nearly be barreled over by the sensei bursting through the door.

“Oh, sorry, Sugawara!”

Suga smiles as his teacher apologizes, bidding both men farewell before he departs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's play 'which work of literature did I model a paragraph after in this chapter?" I'll give you five points if you can figure it out. (Hint : it's the "He was still Sugawara in practice" paragraph)
> 
> sorry this was a little late. I kind of forgot it was Sunday. Schedules are not my forte.


	7. Chapter 7

“We need to talk.”

Sugawara is sitting at Ukai’s kitchen table, hands wrapped around a glass of tea as he watches Ukai pace back and forth in front of him.  He doesn’t really like the tone Ukai is using with him, and all he can do is nod and swallow down the bad feeling he’s getting as he waits for Ukai to continue.

“I don’t think…” Ukai stops his pacing, as he tries to think of the proper way to phrase his next few words.  “You can’t come here anymore.”

Sugwara stares up at the man in front of him, trying to keep his face neutral.  “Why not? Is it because of what I did at the gym earlier?”

“No, it’s not that.  It’s just that this-” Ukai makes a grand sweeping gesture with his hand. “-isn’t healthy. It wasn’t okay to start with, and I knew that. But you’re getting too attached and that’s not what this was about.”

“No, I’m not! It’s still the same as when we started.”

Ukai takes a step closer, crossing his arms across his chest. “Then why did you want to get closer by using first names?”

“I just -”

Another step, and Ukai is close enough to flatten his palms against the table in front of Suga.  He leans over him and lets out a loud sigh.  “And why do you like spending time here on days when we don’t fuck? Why don’t you go spend time with your friends like a normal teenager?”

“Ukai, I-”

“No.  Even if you deny it. I know what’s going on, and it’s my responsibility to end it before this gets too out of hand and you get hurt.  I can’t give you what you need, even if you think I can.”

Sugawara’s bottom lip was trembling, and he pulls it between his teeth to stop it.  “But you do.”

“See, the fact that you even think that lets me know I let this get way too out of hand.  I can’t let this continue.  We’ll still see each other at practice but that’s it.  I’m sorry, Sugawara.”

Sugawara nods, his face falling as he shifts his gaze from Ukai’s face to his own hands.  He slowly stands up, grabbing his bag from the floor and heading to the door.  He feels stiff and awkward with Ukai following two steps behind him.  His hand is on the doorknob before he decides to turn around and ask one last question.

“Keishin.”  He feels his heart clench up seeing how Ukai grimaces at the use of his first name.  “Can I kiss you again?”

“No.”

Sugawara pulls his lips between his teeth and his eyes fall closed as he takes a deep breath through his nose.  Ukai was worried that he was going to cry or do something else that would tear a hole in his heart, but as Sugawara’s eyes opened back up, there was nothing.  No sadness, no tears, just a cold understanding of what Ukai had done.  He turns around and lets himself out the door.  Ukai clicks the lock shut as he turns away, and he almost immediately regrets what he has done.

He wants to go after him. To apologize, to ask him to come back.  It was a joke, you see? No harm done.  Please don’t make that sad face.

But he doesn’t. Because he knows what he did was for the best.  He hopes Sugawara knows it too.

Everything seems to go in slow motion from then on.  A day seems like a week. A week seems like a month. Everything seems less vibrant.  He still sees Sugawara five days out of seven, but he can’t reach out to him.  He can’t touch him. He can’t ask if he’s okay.  He supposes the only blessing in this situation is that Sugawara was true to his word and hadn’t said anything.  But he hadn’t anticipated how empty it would feel to be ignored.

He wanted Suga’s smile to be turned to him again, to be stared at in awe as he laid down some real adult life information that Suga hadn’t been exposed at yet.  He was going insane with everything he had restricted himself from having. But he wasn’t going to ask if Sugawara wanted to come back.

He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t.

“Sugawara! I need you to stay after practice to talk about something.  The rest of you are dismissed.”  Ukai crossed his arms over his chest as he watched the boys follow out in a rowdy line, leaving Sugawara standing on the sidelines staring at his shoes.  He didn’t make a move to come closer to his coach, so after the last player was gone, Ukai made his way over to stand in front of the boy.

“Yes, sir?”

Ukai cocked his head to the side, observing the kid standing in front of him.  “You’ve been very reserved in practice lately.”

“Sorry.”

“Are you okay?”

“Not really.” Sugawara lifted his face, smiling wryly at him, his expression pained.

“Is there anything I can do?”

Sugawara crosses his arms across his chest, mirroring Ukai’s position. “I think you’ve done enough.”

Ukai drops his hands and lets out a sigh.  He hadn’t really thought this through.  He knew what he wanted to say, but he just couldn’t figure out a way to say it.

“Is that all, sir?” Sugawara was sneering at him now, and the expression did not suit him well.

“No.  I just wanted to tell you…” Ukai coughed, covering up the nervous shake that was beginning to form in his voice. “I regret my decision.”

“Which one?  Agreeing to be with me in the first place or deciding to break it off without even really giving me a good reason why?”

Ukai hushes him, and Sugawara covers his mouth with his hands as if he didn’t know what he was saying and where he was saying it.  “The second one.  I could never regret the first one, not unless it landed me in jail.”

Sugawara rolls his eyes and drops his hands from his face. “And why are you telling me this?”

“You can come over tonight. If you want.”

“Fine.”  Sugawara turns on his heel, not really accepting or denying the proposal set in front of him. Ukai cursed under his breath as he watched the boy walk away. He had done what he could.  Sugawara would come if he wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rushed? probably, but oh well. Like I've said before, I initially wrote all 8 chapters in 3 days or something, and by this point I was just wanting to get to the end. I didn't even really edit this one much...or at all...so if there's a typo or something just let me know. And also, sorry. School got really wicked and I kind of....forgot to post this next chapter. I also got consumed by kurotsuki again, and that's never a good thing.


	8. Chapter 8

He had given up.  There was no way he was coming. His chances were ruined and he fucked up a relationship he hadn’t known he wanted until it was already over. He tipped back his third beer of the night, dropping the bottle in the sink as he heard a knock on the door.  He recognized it was a little early to start the weekend.  It being only 10pm. On a Wednesday. But fuck it.  There were worse things he could do.

Ukai nearly smacked himself in the face with the door as he swung it open.  Which was a completely stupid thing to do seeing as he wasn’t even close to being drunk yet. Or even buzzed.  He just recognized that knock as being his knock.  Sugawara’s knock.  Slow, calculated taps, three to be exact, occurring at precise intervals that Ukai had grown so accustomed to over the past couple months.

So of course he was standing there.  In that striped dark blue and green long sleeved shirt that Ukai had complimented multiple times in the past.  Suga knew it was his favorite. He knew it and the little shit was either here to break his heart or…or something pleasurable that ended up with them not realizing that that shirt had been thrown haphazardly over the lamp until they start smelling something seconds away from catching on fire.  You don’t just wear you lover’s favorite thing to see you if you’re planning to give it to them gently.  No way, no how.

“Can I come inside? It’s raining.”

Ukai nodded dumbly, stepping to the side to let Sugawara in.  The boy brushed past him, not taking off his shoes or dropping his shoulder bag before striding off down the hallway.  Ukai frowned, letting the door click shut behind him as he followed Sugawara to his bedroom.  He found the boy sitting on his bed, feet crossed under him and his arms crossed across his chest.  Ukai couldn’t tell if he was angry, upset, or some other emotion entirely.

“So…” Ukai begins, standing in front of Sugawara.

“So. I think you have something to tell me.”

“Yeah, I’ve just been thinking…”

“Fantastic.”  Sugawara rolls his eyes and Ukai frowns.

“…that maybe I was too hasty?” Ukai shrugs and turns his face to the floor.  “I don’t know. I missed having you around, I guess.”

Sugawara sighs, and lets his arms fall away from his chest.  “I missed you too.”

“I’m sorry.” Ukai balls his hands in fists at his sides, unable to look Sugawara in the face.

“I want to forgive you, since I know that you were just trying to protect me.”  Suga lets out a loud sigh, and runs a hand through his hair.   “And I want to come back.  But I’m scared that you’ll do this again.  I can’t handle a back and forth like that. It’d be even more unhealthy than being with you in the first place.”

Ukai lifts his face with a frown.  He wants Suga to come back too, but he can’t say everything will be like Sugawara wants it to be because he doesn’t know what the future might hold. “I can’t promise anything…”

“I know.  But, can you at least, I don’t know, _talk to me_ if you’re concerned about something again?”  The boy’s tone was exasperated, frustrated, but not quite hopeless.  “I still don’t even know why exactly you called this off in the first place. So why don’t we start with that.”

“It’s just.  You were starting to get too attached.  And I didn’t want you to think this was something it wasn’t.”

“And what about you?”

Ukai crosses his arms across his chest, trying to block out Suga’s question.  “What about me?”

“You wouldn’t have indulged me for so long if you weren’t getting attached too…”’

“Yeah. I guess.”

Suga lifted an eyebrow, head nodding to the side as he tried to process what the older man was saying.  “You guess?”

“Yeah, I don’t know.  I’ve never really _felt_ things for people I was with before.  And I guess I freaked myself out a little bit.  Add that on top of the fact that we still shouldn’t be doing this, and it seemed safer to call it off than let it drag out until actual feelings that could get hurt formed.”

“Oh, Ukai…” Sugawara shifted, so that he was now standing on his knees, opening his arms so that Ukai could fit between them.  Suga’s hands were on his back, and his face was pressed into the smaller male’s shoulder and all of a sudden he felt vulnerable.  As if he had opened himself up too much, and now there was no way to retract what he said.  Suga knew, and that was okay.  He knew that they’d have to continue being careful, and there’d always be that speck of doubt in his mind that left him awake at night, but now that everything was out in the open, that maybe he felt more for Suga than he originally planned and that was fucking terrifying and that he wanted their relationship to be more than just a fling, it almost made it seem like that could be an actual reality.

Ukai raised his face so that he could press his forehead against Suga’s.  He watched as the boy’s eyelid’s fluttered closed, and a content little smile worked its way onto his lips. He wanted to kiss him.

  “Koushi.”

He waited until they boy’s eyes slid open again before pressing a quick kiss to his mouth.  Koushi made a surprised little noise but didn’t pull away as he wound his arms tighter around Keishin’s neck.   The older man reached around, grabbing Koushi by the thighs as he lifted him up, the boy’s legs wrapping around his waist as they continued to meet for small, feather light kisses. Keishin took a step forward, knees bumping the edge of the bed as he laid Koushi on his back in the middle of it, quickly crawling forward to find his place between the boy’s legs again. 

Koushi quickly worked the band out of his hair when their mouths connected again, tossing it to the side and out of reach.  Koushi had always liked his hair better down.  He wasn’t sure if it was because he actually liked the way it looked, or if it was because he was the only person who got to see it that way.  But the steady rhythm of Koushi’s fingers massaging his scalp was intoxicating, and he couldn’t help but let out a groan when those beautiful fingers gave his hair a slight tug.

Koushi was pulling on the back of his shirt now, urging it up and over his head as he laughed at how ridiculous Ukai looked with his hair stuck up over his ears.  Keishin tried to reach for him, to rid him of his own shirt and return them to a balanced state of undress, but his hands were pushed away before he was shoved onto his back.  Koushi was now on him, forcing his way between the older man’s legs before reaching down to undo the belt wrapped around his waist.

“Koushi, what are you…?”

“You have to make it up to me.”  Keishin felt his belt snap against his side as it slid from the loops.  Koushi had a wicked grin on his face as he let the leather fall from between his fingers, and it made a pleasant shiver run down his spine.  “So I get to do what I want tonight.  Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”  Ukai swallowed loudly as Koushi turned his attention back to the task at hand, quickly popping the button and zipper of the older man’s jeans.  The boy roughly yanked his pants off his legs, taking his underwear with them and for the first time, he was completely naked while Koushi was still clothed.  It seems like every time they were together previously, Koushi was always the one to completely disrobe first.  Maybe that’s what he wanted, to show him what it was like to be completely vulnerable, open to inspection and scrutiny as your partner’s eyes raked across your body.  Keishin tried to remain still as Koushi looked him over, fully aware that the boy could see _everything_ from his vantage point between his legs.  Keishin had been in that same position many times before.  It was a great view, in his opinion, though he had to wonder if it always took this long for him to break his stare to actually do something.

“You’re not underneath me often, are you?”

Keishin remained silent, not sure if Koushi was looking for an answer or just making a general statement.  He turned his face away, flattening the sheets below his hands as Koushi continued to speak.

“You never told me why you enjoyed this view so much, Keishin.  But it’s easy to see why you’d stay with me, despite your reservations.”  Koushi’s voice was calculated, as if he was trying to keep himself under control as he slid a hand from the top of Keishin’s knee to his stomach, slyly curving around the v of his hip to avoid brushing the man’s cock.  “I always wondered that.  You asked me before why I wanted to be with someone so much older than me, but I never considered what could make you want someone so much younger than you.”

“Yeah, I don’t-”

Koushi brought his hand up and quickly smacked it down on the inside of Keishin’s thigh.  After rubbing the spot soothingly and pressing a kiss to the red skin, he looked up at him.  “I wasn’t really wanting an answer.”  Koushi turned his head to the side, setting his teeth into the skin where his hand had struck down, nibbling and kissing at it gently until he heard Keishin groan above him.  He pulled away with a loud smack, sitting on his heels as he pushed Keishin’s knees further apart with his hands.  “This is what’s going to happen.  I’m going to do a few of the things that you normally do to me, to you.  Is that okay?”

“Yeah, just don’t hit me again.”

Koushi smiled sweetly, letting his hands slide up the older man’s torso until he was hovering over him.  “Sorry.”

Keishin tried to roll his shoulders back, but they were held in place by the boy’s hands. “No, you’re not, brat.”

“I don’t think you’re in any position to be calling me a brat.” Koushi leaned forward until his nose bumped Keishin’s. 

“I could easily turn this around if I wanted to.”

“Oh, well pardon me then.”  Koushi rocked forward, hips bumping into the back of Keishin’s thighs as he sunk his teeth harshly into the older man’s shoulders.  Keishin let out a loud gasp, knowing the mark would leave a nasty bruise in the morning.  Koushi had never bitten him before, and seeing this playfully dominant side of the boy come out was a nice change of pace.

Koushi’s left hand drifted from his shoulder, briefly clamping down on his throat as if he was considering doing more in that location before drifting down to grasp at his hip.  His other hand wrapped itself in the hair at the back of Keishin’s neck, pulling his head backwards until the length of his throat was exposed.  Pressing open mouthed kisses down the center of his throat, Koushi scooted upwards a bit until his hips were above the man’s below him.  He rolled his hips forward slowly, rubbing his still-clothed dick against Keishin’s bare skin.

“Shit.” Keishin cursed at the rough contact. It wasn’t that Koushi was moving very roughly or quickly, just the slow drag of rough cloth against the most sensitive area of his entire body was slowly driving him insane as Koushi showed no intent of speeding up.  Keishin looked up at the boy in exasperation, hands fisting in the sheets below him as Koushi stared down at him with his mouth pressed into a thin line of concentration.  He wanted to do something, _anything_ to make this whole situation speed up, but he really wanted to see what Koushi had planned.  He wanted to give him this, even if it was only for tonight.

“Koushi.”

The boy’s face relaxed as his name was called, an easy smile gracing his pretty lips before they dipped down to press a sweet kiss to his partner’s mouth.  Keishin reveled in the taste of his tongue, the same minty flavor as the first night he kissed him.  He realized Koushi must have planned that from the beginning, from his shirt to what he was going to say and do to the taste of his tongue.

Koushi pulled away with a soft pop, his pink lips open in a pant while he rubbed his hands along the inside of Keishin’s thighs.  He looked like he was thinking as he sat back, his brow furrowed in thought as he ran his tongue across his bottom lip.

Keishin prompted him to continue by knocking his knee against the boy’s elbow.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just…I don’t know if you’ll actually let me do what I want to do next.”

“Where’d all that confidence go, brat?”

Koushi stuck out his bottom lip in a pout.  “I said don’t call me that.”

“Fine, as long as you just get on with it already.”

“Fine. I will.”  Koushi backed up, sliding off the bed and walking to the nightstand.  Keishin propped himself up on his elbows, watching as Koushi rummaged around in the drawer for his prize.  He swallowed thickly when he saw what Koushi pulled from the drawer, laying back  as the boy resumed his position between his legs.  He closed his eyes at the sound of the cap being snapped open, and winced a bit at the sound of lube being squirted into Koushi’s hand. “Keishin.”

Eyes still closed and hands gripping the sheets tightly, he hummed back in response.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just haven’t been on the bottom in a while.”

Koushi’s fingers were cold and slick and they began tracing circles around his entrance.  “How long?”

“High school? I don’t know, never did it much in the first place.”  He tried to relax as the boy’s fingers began making small swipes over his hole, but not quite trying to press in yet.

“Do you not like it?”

“Nah, it’s not that. Just most of the people I’ve been with preferred it more than me.  Or they were women.”

Koushi nodded slightly in understanding, wrapping his unoccupied hand around the base of Keishin’s dick, giving it a few strokes before looking up at his face.  “I’ve always wondered about that.”

Keishin frowned, not really understanding what the boy meant.  “About what?”

“About well…” Both of Koushi’s hands stilled in their movements before he felt one finger slowly working its way inside.  “Whether you were gay or bi or whatever.”

Keishin pulled in a sharp gasp as Koushi began a slow pushing and pulling rhythm with his first finger.  He didn’t know why the kid kept talking, like he was trying to have a conversation while he was knuckle deep in a dude’s ass.  But it was kind of nice, and it kept his mind off of the awkward, not yet pleasurable foreignness stroking his insides.  “Yeah, I kind of just take whoever comes at me, you know?”

“Not really, but that’s okay.”  Koushi slowly pulled his finger out all the way, pressing a kiss to Keishin’s knee before replacing it with two.  The hand that had been idle around his cock also picked up speed, making long, lazy strokes from base to head.

Between stifled gasps and sighs, Keishin tries to form his next sentence.  “Ah, uhm…so what-shit-, what about you?”

“Me?” Keishin could feel Koushi’s eyes on him, so he slowly opens his own to meet him.  “I’m just gay, I guess.  I’ve never really liked girls like that.”

“What about-” Koushi fingers give a particularly hard thrust, and Keishin sees stars as he throws an arm over his face.  The fingers inside of him speed up, searching for that spot again but is moderately unsuccessful.  Keishin doesn’t really care though; the drag of Koushi’s fingers has finally turned from uncomfortable burn to pleasant friction, and he gives a hum of approval as the kid braves up to sliding the third inside.  Unfortunately, it’s not enough as the hand on his cock has quit moving.  He bucks his hips up, causing Koushi to accidently slip his fingers deeper than he intended.  Keishin groans loudly, back arching off the bed before he lets himself drop in a useless heap.

“Are you alright?”  Koushi’s voice is nervous, as if he was actually concerned that he had done something to hurt the older man.  How cute.

“Yeah, ‘m fine.  Just _more_.”

Koushi’s hands begin to speed up, fingers desperately searching for the spot he had managed to graze earlier.  He let out a groan of frustration as they slipped out again without Keishin melting into his hand.  “Sorry, I’ve never really done this before…”

Keishin drops his arm away from his face, instead reaching down to run his hands through the boy’s hair.  “’s okay, Koushi. Don’t try so hard.”

Koushi sighed, fingers continuing to move as Keishin rubs his fingers into his scalp.  Then all of a sudden he stops, removing his hands as he slides down onto his belly.  In one swift movement, his mouth is enveloping the older man’s cock as his hand resumes its work thrusting in and out of his partner.  He accidently presses too far, the back of his throat constricting as it is met with Keishin’s dick. He fights back a gag though because Keishin’s moaning now, his face red and his fist tightening in the boy’s hair.

“Yes, Koushi, _there._ ”

Koushi isn’t sure if he means his mouth or his hand, so he tentatively moves his fingers in a similar way, sliding them all the way in, crooking them in as he slides his way back out and Keishin is moaning again, louder than before and his voice is cracking and his thighs are shaking as he clenches up around Koushi’s fingers.  He quickly swallows down any reservations he has because _yes_ Keishin sounds like that because he did something right.  He wanted to hear him make those noises again, so different as they were from his normal grunting and groans when he was in Koushi’s position.  He tried to keep up, fingers slipping in when his mouth pulled away, out when he could feel Keishin’s dick prodding at the back of his throat again.  He’s able to keep a steady pace for barely a few seconds before it breaks as Keishin thrusts up into his mouth, all self-control gone out the window, along with his morals.  The fingers in his hair tighten again until he’s sure there’ll be a bald spot there later, and he holds his head steady to allow for Keishin to just _use_ him and then he’s gone, moaning out the boy’s name as his hips all back to the bed.

Koushi swallows down the bitterness in his mouth before leaving his place between Keishin’s legs, crawling up beside his head.  He pokes the older male’s cheek repeatedly until he removes the arm from his eyes.  His stare is bleary and unfocused and completely and totally satisfied, but Koushi isn’t done.

“It won’t take much,” Koushi mumbles as he pops the button of his pants, sliding them far enough down his hips to free his cock.  Keishin doesn’t say anything as he props himself up to attend to the boy sitting on his knees in front of him.  He doesn’t hesitate as he takes Koushi onto his tongue, letting him slip all the way in before pulling back to the top.  He covers his teeth with his lips, pressing as tightly as he dared around Koushi’s cock, already impossibly hard from just a few licks and pleasuring Keishin.  Koushi was right, as his breathing gets heavier, he leans over Keishin, fingers digging into the top of his shoulders, nails biting at the bruise he put there earlier, chest brushing the top of the older man’s head and everything’s so hot, too hot. Why didn’t he let himself take off any clothes?  Why did it feel like his skin was burning everywhere Keishin touched him, every time his tongue slid along the bottom of his cock to draw out the orgasm that as quickly beginning to break free?

Koushi slumped forward, letting Keishin support him as he tried to regain his breath.  Keishin’s arms began shaking so he lowered both of them to the bed, lying side by side with Koushi’s head on his bicep.  They sat together in comfortable silence, enjoying the heat radiating off the other’s skin as the soft sound of their breathing filled the room.

“Hey.”

Koushi shifted, adjusting himself until his pants were back in place and he was no longer exposed.  “Hey.”

“Did you lie to me?”

“What? No. What are you talking about?” Koushi sits up, pressing a hand into Keishin’s shoulder with a frown on his face.

“You said you’ve done stuff like this before.” Keishin turned his head, staring the boy down as he fidgeted beside him on the bed.  “The first time you came over, you said you’d done this before, but just now.  Did you lie?”

“No, I didn’t.” 

“Then what were you going on about a few minutes ago?”

“I meant, I’d never done _that_ before.  I’ve had sex and stuff, but I’ve always been the one receiving, if you know what I mean.”

Keishin closed his eyes, rolling his head back until he was facing the ceiling.  “Yeah.  I understand.”

“Hey.”  Koushi poked his cheek until he slid and eye open again. “You were asking me something earlier.”

Keishin sighs, stretching his arms above his head as he tries to recall what the boy is talking about.  “I don’t remember.”

“It was when I said I never liked girls.”

“Oh yeah.  I was going to ask what about our manager. She’s pretty cute.”

Koushi dramatically flops forward, letting out a fake sob as he drapes himself over Keishin’s torso.  “Don’t leave me for Shimizu, coach!”

“Ah! Get off, brat! I’m not going to leave you!”

Koushi lifts his face, propping his chin in the middle of Keishin’s chest.  “Really?”

“I told you I can’t promise you anything.”  Keishin runs a hand through Koushi’s hair, laughing when it sticks up on end.  “But yeah.  I’ll try.”

“I’ll try too.  To make it easier for you.”  Koushi crawls up his chest the few centimeters needed from him to press a smiley little kiss to his lips. 

Nothing about this was going to be easy.  It never would be.  There was always going to be, in the back of his mind, a voice reminding him that what he was doing was probably wrong by everyone’s standards.   He’d always be worried about hurting Koushi, holding him back from whatever success he was destined for in his life or worse, breaking his strong little heart.  But by being this close to him, he could do things he couldn’t from a distance.  He could protect him.  Support him and give him advice, even if his own adult life had kind of fallen flat to a point.  He could be there for him when he was feeling discouraged, like he was the first time Koushi came to him.  And, if their relationship extended to that point, he could love him.  He wasn’t exactly sure what he was feeling at this point due to the fact that he had never really felt it before.  But he knew he didn’t want Koushi to leave.  He didn’t want to see him sad, or angry, or disgruntled.  He just wanted him to be there with him in the evenings and in the morning and every time in between.  To smile and laugh and just _be._  And they could be.

It was still sort of a toss-up as to whether he had made a mistake or not by letting Koushi into his life.  A logical person would weigh out the pro’s and con’s, and finding the negatives outweighing the positives might throw a more careful man out the window.  But as far as Keishin was concerned, this would turn out to be one of his more beautiful mistakes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one forgot that the only reason I wrote this thing in the first place was to get Ukai and Suga to bed together. So yeah, this is over, and now school is about to get really crazy, so there probably wont be much of anything from me for the rest of the semester. *tear* But thanks for reading and I'm glad this got some light thrown on this rare pair. Now, I challenge everyone who enjoyed this and now ships this ship to make a little something of your own, to hopefully get the ball rolling and make this ship a little bit more than a fancy. THANK YOU ALL GOODNIGHT.

**Author's Note:**

> dreyars is back with a brand new tune. Hopefully some of you remember me from my kurotsuki debacle and now I come to you with this. This is my quiet plea for more people to join the UkaSuga ship so I don't have to pester Amanda any more than I have to. Come to me, talk to me about this ship and why isn't it more popular than it is? Let's set a fire and scream from the highest rooftops and hopefully I can show you all why UkaSuga is the ship to sail.
> 
> This was a mostly self-indulgent endeavor intended to give me something to look at when no one else wants to play on deck with me. (nautical puns? maybe)
> 
> As always, I'm also posting all chapters on my tumblr, so please look me up over there too.


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